Update on what's going on with me: I've been laying low for a while as things have been crazy hectic. My sister got married last weekend -- everything was beautiful and went smoothly. I was matron of honor (wow, that make me feel old -- "matron"). My sister looking stunning and my dress was not as horrible as it was at the first fitting. The reception was tons of fun. I'm glad. Mom passed away 5 months ago and I was not sure we could manage to make it a fun wedding. There was a lot of pressure on us all to ensure this was a happy event vs. a sad one. Mom was a huge part of our lives and going on without her has been hard. My Dad obsessed on every detail. He wanted everything done as Mom would have done it. We had the out of town relatives over Friday night and Sunday morning for casual meals -- it was nice to visit a bit. I got little sleep though and am still really tired. (It has been hectic the week after since it was the last week of summer and lots of social things were on the calendar).

I didn't chat with people much at the wedding -- especially people who were close to my Mom. I found that when I talk to them they depress me. I wanted to be happy for my sister. We are overjoyed that she found her match (she is 37, this is her first marriage and his 2nd). He is a great guy and they are a great pair. I mourn the loss of my Mom. I didn't think the joy of the wedding should be overshadowed by the mourning. There were appropriate prayers at the church and during the blessing. We all miss her. But I didn't want to sit around talking all night about how much I miss my Mom. If we are going to talk about her tell me happy stories of the good times. Tell me how much she loved us. Tell me how much you loved her. But please do not tell me how sad it was when she was sick. Don't make me relive constantly how horribly sick she got. Don't make me describe what she went through. Don't make me tell you we are all doing GREAT. We are not. We miss her and hurt for her all the time. Sometimes I wish I could say these things to people – they have no idea and I wouldn't either if I were not wearing these shoes.

I want to hang on to the happy memories -- I don't want to always think of my Mom in terms of what her last months were like. Her life was not full of sickness. Her sickness was quick and our mourning will not be. I just didn't want to talk about it at the wedding. Instead of talking, I danced. I danced like a fool and had a heck of a silly time. I danced with my children who were in the wedding and was a child again with them. We danced wild and silly. We took up too much room and laughed out loud. We dragged others to the floor and made them have fun too.

I'll catch up with everyone else later in terms of talking. We can talk more after I get some sleep. I didn't want to talk, I wanted to dance. I know my Mom was dancing with us. My sister is off on her honeymoon. I am so relieved it is all over. It is so nice to have a moment to catch my breath and relax. My son and I went to Mom's grave the other night. I love how it brings peace to share quiet time with him and to talk about LIFE!

The kids start school today. I’m so glad. I love the structure and so do they. My son is pretending to dread it but I don’t think he really does. I lightened up on first day dress code. The kids are cute and casual – normally I’m a maniac to make them dress up. They are going into 3^rd and 4^th grade so I thought I’d better lighten up or they’d be teased. I did force my daughter into a sporty skort instead of shorts – a Mom’s gotta do what a Mom’s gotta do!