Today would have been my Mom's 64th birthday. We went to church this morning to attend a mass that was being said for her. I miss her so much. Her friends came to mass too -- it is nice to see how much other people care. As I sat there the sun rose and shone down on us all more as the mass went on. It was nice to be warmed by the sun. Even though I sat beside my Dad and sister, I felt very alone. I don't like myself when I am petty -- I was irritated that my Dad rode over with my sister. It would be nice to be included when they both knew I would be going to mass as well. I pulled up as they were started to walk from the parking lot. They didn't wait. I was actually amazed that my Dad saved a seat for me.

They have a way of making me feel like a third wheel. My sister didn't even shake my hand during the sign of peace. I'm sick of "poor Kathleen" and everything being all about her. The sun does not rise and set on her and she isn't very nice. She spoiled the birthday gathering on Sunday with her icy demeanor and obvious tension. I'm sick of her inflicting her emotions on others. Just because she is hurting doesn't mean she has to make the rest of us suffer. The rest of us are trying to make the best of things and rise above. I wish she would. It sure as hell would help the rest of us live with more peace.

Will you still need me? Will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four! I love that song and always have.