I have not had a cigarette since Saturday. I could still drop everything and have one if it were not for my allergies. I am wheezing like I never have in my life. When I lay down to sleep each exhalation is a wheeze. I would blame the smoking, but my smoking binge amounted to 3 packs over 2 weeks -- not such a huge binge when you break it down. I still want some though. I love smoking in the car when I'm alone. There is simply something wonderful about cracking the windows and smoking while driving. I just LOVE IT. Why do I love it?

I have not lost weight and have not really been trying. I'm eating healthier, but not focused on losing. This is because I think I'd freak out over the stress of a strict diet as I finish my class. Only one more weekend! YIPPEE!!! I've enjoyed it but can't wait to be done. There has been a ton of workload outside the classroom and I really didn't anticipate that. Hopefully this summer's week long class will just be classroom time instead of outside time. I would love to go up there and just enjoy my non class hours on the water. What is it about sitting on the beach and listening to the water that is so healing? You feel the stress and worries of the world slip away as the waves either crash upon or lick the shore.

Next week I'll be doing my take home exam and starting the diet. My sister inlaw asked me to be in her wedding (hello, I'm 37 and will be 38 next September when she walks down the aisle). What is up with being a bridesmaid for the first time at 36 (last year) and then doing it again at 38? I'm a bit old for this. It would be nice if I were at goal weight and had the breast reduction by 40 though. Maybe the bridesmaid thing is God's way of making me kick it into gear for my own health and well being. I don't like being the fat me. I don't like what it says about my lack of discipline and self control. Yes a have a slow metabolism, but I need to rise above that. Pray for me that I can be stronger in this area -- I have when I'm weak.