Today I interview with a mentor teacher at a high school where I hope to work someday. I am a nervous wreck. I want to impress the teacher. I also want her to realize that she is teaching me and that I'm ready to learn. I am not confident about teaching yet. My main issue is content. I can handle teaching -- I just struggle with what I'm teaching. I'm a double major in Speech Communications and English. English seems to have a LOT listed in the state requirements. Speech has nothing. I'll be certified to teach Acting as well.... I'm not ready for that either!
I am tasked with writing unit and lesson plans right now for my classes and to prepare for student teaching. My struggle is knowing how much fits in a day. It feels like my mentor teacher and methods class professor both think I know more than I know. Do you ever feel like a fraud? I am a structured and organized person. Dealing with the unknown of teaching makes me a WRECK.
I feel like these people think I'm ready to walk right in and teach. My methods professor is encouraging the mentor teacher at the high school to have me be the lead teacher in the speech class from DAY ONE instead of phasing me in after a few weeks (which is the standard practice for student teaching). The thought of being in charge on DAY ONE freaks me out right now. I guess with a summer to plan for it this could be just fine. I think that I'm overwhelmed right now and that is contributing to how much this is intimidating me. I still feel like a fraud walking around pretending to be confident in my own abilities as I swim in the lake of self doubt. I am not ready to do this now, but maybe I'll be ready after I've had the summer to prepare.
Isn't it funny how a competent professional can be reduced to a whimpering puddle of mush when faced with an unknown? I fear the unfamiliar because I want to do a GREAT job. I know I'll tweak every lesson that I do for the rest of my teaching career. No lesson will be perfect. Each time I do a lesson with my students I will learn things to try the next time. I like the evolutionary process. The thing that is hard for me is that I want to be great right now. I like tweaking more than creating. I want to have my plans made and know what I'm doing. I want to provide an awesome education to my students and I hate practicing on kids. I am afraid of short changing my students while I'm still learning myself.
I also am old enough to realize that this student teaching gig is a dress rehearsal. If I am fabulous I have a chance of landing a teaching JOB. If I'm fabulous I increase my chances of getting a teaching job in a state where 3 of every 4 teachers to graduate from a university must move out of state to get a job.
All of this and I'll be taking a 50% pay cut to change careers and become a teacher. I would be less freaked out about the pay cut, but Hubby's work has dwindled and he made about half as much in 2005 as he did in 2004. If he were making his normal amount we would not be in a difficult financial position. As it stands, I'm burying my head in the sand over debt and my earnings. We will get through this...
So today I interview. Tomorrow I work on my unit plan for my speech methods class. It is due Thursday and I'm not ready! I lost the last few weekends to pain and the heating pad. This weekend will need to be VERY productive. Say a prayer for me!
Additional note:
I am feeling better following the biopsy -- that cyst must have been pressing on nerves or something.... Anyway, I'm happy the one is gone and the other is small. I still need to go get the vitamin E. I appreciate your supportive comments, well wishes and prayers! What a comfort you have been! I tried not to be afraid but I really was nervous. THANK YOU! I appreciate the support! I go for the sleep study to get the CPAP sleeping machine in 2 weeks. It sure would be nice to have some decent sleep right NOW as I'm doing the biggest projects of my semester! Oh well -- imagine how good I'll be when I'm well rested!
2 comments:
From experience, I can tell you to ALWAYS overplan for the day. It is much better to not get to something than to run out of things to do. Also, you should read "The First Days of School" by Harry Wong. It is a fantastic book for new teachers. There are also many videos of him speaking. His ideas are great and REALLY work in the classroom.
Think of it this way....everything you do your first year teaching is on a trial and error basis. If it works great...do it again...if it is a miserable fail, stick it in file 13 and MOVE ON!
GOOD LUCK!
PS: I know you are worried about content standards...and they are very important...but none of that will matter if you don't get your classroom management under control...I learned that the HARD WAY!
queen -- the classroom management has gone well for me so far in my "pre-student teaching" field experiences. I don't know if it is the Mom thing or what? Maybe it is the "executive I'm not going to put up with your bull" thing? They are not yet messing with me much... when they do they fall back in line pretty quick. Maybe they sense my evil and fear challenging me? Maybe it is just the honeymoon thing? I'm curious.... both of my cooperating teachers have thus far complimented the classroom management part. Who would have thunk? Maybe it is that I'm 38 and the kids think I'm their mom?
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