Oh! You mean I'm supposed to PAY that bill?

Note to self: just because you don't open the mail doesn't mean those people don't expect to be paid. Hubby isn't being paid, why do these people want to be paid? I'm not at the point of negative equity on our home, but if I keep dipping into the home equity line we will soon hit that mark. Our state is beyond a recession, we are in a depression. I can't stand to watch my friends move out of state due to lack of jobs. This is a great place to live, why did we become so darn dependant on one industry? What the heck are the politicians doing for us?

Hubby is in construction and (with the housing market at a complete standstill) it is beyond difficult. He has stayed in the family business well beyond what was wise for us financially. We have to pay daycare or we lose our slot. We can't cut back because if you leave you won't get back in. We lose our slot and we are in trouble when Hubby actually gets work. Our fixed expenses are killing us.

I don't make enough anymore for him to be a stay at home Dad. I wish. I wouldn't have issues with that. What makes me sad is that his parents do not appreciate the sacrifices we have made. They think that he has had flexibility in his schedule because he takes the kids to school in the morning. Yeah right, he works 6 days a week.... and doesn't get paid for it. I will not discuss the broken promises. I will not discuss having to dip into a home equity line of credit to keep the family business going. It is stopping. We can not continue to subsidize this failing business. It is like enabling a drunk or a drug addict.... if we keep it going it will just keep sucking us dry. It stinks that 20 years of hard work amounts to nothing. But our family can't go down with this ship.

Poor hubby. He is between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand he is trying to keep the business afloat for a few more years so his dad can make it to Social Security. On the other hand, it is breaking us. He has started back to school, but it will not be quick or financially pretty. If only construction had not come to a stand still! They had just gotten to the point where equipment was paid off and they could have MADE money. If only his parents understood and appreciated the position we are in. If only...

Ah well. Such is life. We keep on keeping on. Hopefully this state will recover. We are not the only ones suffering.... sadly it has become all too common. I'm so tired of friends being laid off from the auto industry and related fields...

Tomorrow I will open the envelopes. I will transfer funds from the home equity line. I will forgive myself for this folly. I will bury my head in the sand. I will buy a lottery ticket.... I will dream of a time when we have become more secure.... and I will make plans. I will plan for cheap and fun activities with my kids. I will plan and make memories. I will look at the want ads for Hubby. I will keep telling him we will get through this. I will make him realize I appreciate him. I will do my best and I will be grateful -- we are healthy. Life is good. This too shall pass. We will get through this. It is making us stronger....