Funeral Fun?

What is it about funerals that brings out the funny? My dearest friend's 80 some year old father inlaw passed away this week. She married into an Italian family and they are great people (we all like her hubby's family a lot, her hubby? um... not as much....). So there we are at the wake (Catholic, you know how it is) and I really don't know many people there. Her hubby is kind of like Tony Sopranno, but without the connections... Tony's family is very nice. The wake was normal -- everyone was chatting and all. Suddenly, two really old ladies see me. "Mary!" they shout -- almost simultaneously. "Mary!!!"

I am not, nor have I ever been, a Mary. I apologize to the ladies and tell them I'm not Mary. They apparently are deaf and continue to shout me out as Mary. My friend's sister inlaw nearly is wetting her pants giggling as she makes her escape from the old ladies -- thus leaving me alone with them thinking I'm Mary. She makes her great escape and I was left in their clutches! "I'm sorry, I'm not Mary" was uttered repeatedly. It just didn't sink in. Finally I had to be really loud and slow and practically shout as I said "I'M SORRY, YOU DON'T KNOW ME." I hugged them, smiled, and fled to the side room. Tony's relatives looked on completely entertained. The old ladies looked for their next victim as the one adjusted her dentures. No really, she adjusted her dentures. I felt like I was in a sitcom.

I get into the other room and Tony's godmother grabs me and gives me huge hug. "I can't thank you enough MARY for being there for D." D. is my dear friend's sister inlaw. Godmother won't let me go from her embrace, "You are just the most wonderful friend. You don't know how much D. appreciates you being there for her -- you made such a difference, you are such a great friend!" She went on, and on, and on..... My friend cracks up. Her hubby Tony cracks up. Godmother has no idea that she has met me at 4 baptisms in addition to multiple holidays. I thank her for the hug and tell her I am not Mary, but that she really need to give Mary that hug and talk. That it was beautiful and really moved me. I'm thinking Godmother might have tipped a few back prior to the wake, it would not be the first time....

So the funeral was yesterday. My friend has 4 sons: 18 months, 4, 6, and 7. It was utter mayhem trying to keep them and 3 more under 5 kids in check during the hour long funeral mass. Their dad wanted them there, but he has an injury so he is useless when it comes to helping manage those four frolicking juggernauts. I helped confine the madness to one pew during mass and prevented several incidents of Cain and Able behavior. I don't remember anything besides the songs from the mass. If you are Catholic you know that hit parade. I'm glad I knew the hit parade as I was holding my godson and could not hold the hymnal.

Then we went to the cemetery for the graveside service. It was odd, there was a 2nd funeral procession that pulled in after us and was doing their service not 100 feet away. We had passed another group on the way in -- 3 services at once. If you ask me, a trifecta of services is odd to having going on in one cemetery simultaneously.

The kids were hungry, hot, and very done with it all. Don't get me wrong, it was hot as a dickens so I was done too (reading Huck Finn makes me feel capable of using that phrase, "hot as the dickones," even though it isn't common vernacular in these here parts). The graveside service was nice, the military presentation of the flag and Taps was so moving, but the next thing kind of freaked me out.

Apparently the immediate family had opted for IMMEDIATE internment. I capitalize that word with good reason. The moment the service was done the guests were directed to the funeral luncheon at a nearby restaurant. I had to stick with my friend to help wrangle those boys into their car seats while she helped her injured hubby on crutches. As people are dispersing to their vehicles the immediate family lingered close making final goodbyes. Then the two creepy grave digger guys walked up. They were like something from a Stephen King novel. The sun hats hid their faces. They mumbled but didn't seem to really speak. They walked over and had that casket lowered into the ground quicker than you could blink.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!

Then the backhoe was pulling up with it's bucket extended. And the stake truck filled with dirt was creeping up right behind it. The equipment moved toward our grave while people were still trying to get to their cars. You should have seen the scramble! The other service was going on not 100 feet from us. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. You know, that construction beep?

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP!! Holy cats, they were going to throw the dirt in RIGHT NOW! One of the boys decides to make a move for the grave! I leap and grab the back of his shirt and the machines go "BEEP, BEEP, BEEP closer to the grave. I hold the child close and am grateful my kids are their current ages and that my cat like reflexes are not require more often.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!

Tony's godmother appears to be about to have a stroke as the equipment approaches and encroaches on those final goodbyes. "I have never seen anything like this before in my life!" she says to me. I approach a funeral home person to say -- could you ask those people to give the family a moment? She gets irritated with me and snips "The immediate family opted for IMMEDIATE internment. THIS is what it looks like."

Um. Okay. I share this with Tony's godmother. She wandered off muttering.... We gather the children and herd them into the vehicles. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The grave is filled before we can even buckle those boys into their car seats. Immediate is the appropriate term. I have to wonder if the immediate family really knew how immediate that IMMEDIATE internment would be. Hubby commented that the scene was surreal. I agree.

The luncheon was normal for most people. For my friend and I we again felt like the subject of a sitcom as we managed 7 children 7 and under. The food was flying, children were a spectacle, and life went on. I am sure my dear friend's father inlaw enjoyed the show. He had a good sense of humor and would have enjoyed the shenanigans of the kid table were he there in person.

I had a pretty good time myself if I can admit it... There is something wonderful about managing wild young children when you don't have to do it every single day. You can enjoy being a sitcom when it is just for today. I know that everyone else who was there enjoyed the show put on by these wonderful wild wee ones. I also know they were probably grateful that they don't manage them every day. My dear friend is Wonder Woman. I do not know how she does it!

I feel kind of bad to say it, but that is how we had funeral fun. It helps when the person who's life you are celebrating is old and has had a long good life. He joins his wife on the other side and has waited patiently for their reunion. It helps that it was not someone close to me personally. It helps that he would have enjoyed the show. I think he would have laughed at the literal interpretation of immediate as well.