Today I feel hungry. It is because I'm thinking about my weight and lack of recent loss. One year ago I weighed over 193. In January I started my diet at 189.5. I now weigh 172. For my sister's August 20th wedding my goal is to weigh 159. Why 159? Because it is less than 160 and that is the line I'd like to be under. While this is a stretch goal (I do not lose weight easily or quickly) I think it is attainable if I can get myself back in the strict swing of my diet program. I am going to be asking for a lot of support from those around me.

It isn't the food thing that is a problem as much as the beverages. I like beer and wine! I also like airpopped popcorn with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Since Mom died I have struggled with sleep, and my will power has be lax. I hope that by getting hard core with the diet I can get my sleep cycle on track (and sleep better without using wine to make me sleepy). I have sleep trouble: trouble falling asleep, trouble waking.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I was really irritated with my sister. She came along for the measuring of the bridesmaids by the seamstress. I didn't want her there because she sat there and stared at the numbers as the seamstress wrote them. How rude is that? Her ass has been skinny our whole lives and she had breast reduction surgery last year. She looks pretty darn good for a almost 38 year old who still drinks Pepsi vs. Diet. Who does she think she is to have to mentally note my measurements? I work hard to be secure with myself despite the extra pounds but shit like that sure doesn't make it any easier.

I won't even start of how her critical attitude toward my parenting. Her comments and corrections are unconscious on her part but really unappreciated by me. She actually questioned me for yelling at my 9 year old for running across the street without looking ("She probably knew nobody was coming!"). Sorry if you don't like me yelling Kathleen, but I'm doing my damn job as a parent. Get over yourself. This is one example. I will not continue, the rest are not quite so ridiculous.

I hope she has kids.