I'm going to a wedding tonight. I don't have anything to wear and am sad that I won't be able to dance . I don't feel like working today - but I'm here anyway. I drove a ton for work this week and was on my feet a lot. This is not good with my knee and heel being such a mess from my dance fever at my sister's August 20th wedding. Initially I iced the knee, and at a week it was not better. I saw the doctor, was put on an anti-inflammatory and was told to heat instead of ice. Heat rocked! Swelling went down much more than it did with the ice. Those thermalcare heat patches rock. I love the neck one and I love the knee one.

I'm a chronic pain patient. I hate being one, but that is what I am. I have a condition similar to fibromyalgia. I have trigger point pain and do not heal from injuries normally. It takes me a lot longer than normal and stupid things get out of control fast (like the knee being injured). I'm working on me. My goal is to lose about 30 more pounds (I'm down about 45 from the all time high after my 2nd child). I've worked out at the gym since my 2001 car accident that started my journey with chronic pain. I am eating healthier and now take vitamins. My migraines are down to a minimum.

My health history is interesting for a 36year old:

Exciting Health Events / Medical History:

9/2001 Auto accident. Neck injury. 6 months of physical therapy, 3 months of occupational therapy and pain management. Result: chronic but mostly manageable neck pain.

2/2003 Blood clot / mini stroke -- got feeling back on right side mostly, have some memory loss.

8/2003 -- Cardiac procedure (Amplatzer” Septal Occluder” implanted in heart to close atriel septal defect (PFO) via catheterization. Felt better after -- lot more energy when heart doesn't have to do double work!

1/2004 Bad chest pain, not a heart attack, enzymes slightly elevated but everything looked fine. I have not had issues since -- still don't know what the hell happened that day. Was at hospital for over 24 hours.

11/1 /04 Cellulitis (think this is due to infection I am prone to getting in skin stomach hangs due to weight loss, need a tuck). Maybe having this on my record will make insurance cover a tummy tuck when I'm done getting to goal weight?

2/2005 Lower back pain PT, numbness pinched nerve right leg, planter fasciatus right heel. Orthotics were prescribed and I did physical therapy until April ’05 – didn’t finish PT due to death of my mother (much more on this in previous posts). Orthotics helped but I wrecked everything by wearing pretty shoes this summer. Heel problem returned, have lost feeling in right leg.

Present: I a’m seeing a chiropractor for the first time and I think I love him. My pain is improved and my tolerance for driving is better. I feel great about adding this to my life. The appointments are quick, he adjusts me without killing me, and I feel better. YAY!!!

I was right wasn't I? My health history is interesting for a 36year old! I feel like I'm on track and improving, but I admit it is all a big fat pain in my ass. Health is everything and it is worth the extra effort to excercise and eat right. Trust me.

I'm happy to be improving. I don't like being a whiner or being looked at as less than normal. I like to be active and so having less pain helps me do that. When I was in pain I got depressed and ate too much. I see now that this is a pattern I can slip into easily as my weight loss has been stopped with my pain and greif these last 5 months. I'm working on it though! At least I stopped and recognized it before I started gaining!

School has started for the kids and starts for me next week. I like the routine that is getting back into place. The feeling of normalcy is comforting and I'm around my kids more now that I'm not spending all my free time at the hospital with my Mom. I really miss her. The kids do too. Now that my sister's wedding is over it is a relief. I was shocked at the sadness that came after the wedding.

I miss Mom more now than ever. Maybe that is why I had the wonderful dream this week. My Mom came over and we talked -- she was SO happy! She said she was proud of us for how we have handled everything. She smiled and smiled. She had her hair back and looked like her normal self. I woke up happy. I know she would be happy if she were still here. I bet she is happy where she is now.