This weekend was pretty eventful. Saturday we had another soccer game -- this time with a brush with death. The soccer goal fell over in the wind while my son was the goalie. I kid you not, it fell over and would have crushed him if he had been two feet back from where he was standing. You realize that I'm "safety mom" in my spare time. I can not believe the goal actually fell over. I now have a new thing to check for safety. Are there sandbags on the aluminum goals? Damn -- that is what I now will have to check at every game. They moved the goals right before the game and failed to put down the sand bags to secure to goal. It was a windy day. As if I wasn't already paranoid. I can not get it out of my mind. I wish I could.

You know I don't get over these things like I used to. All I can see in my is the moment where we are watching the game and we hear a huge THUD. I look over and Wonder Boy is standing 2 feet in front of the toppled goal. It is a good thing this boy doesn't hide back in the net! I can not tell you how hard it is to let go of the image of him standing there in the goalie shirt looking back at the goal post that could have easily crushed him. Forgive me for venting by sharing this story, but it is so much harder to let this stuff go now that my brain really knows what loss really is. I guess that is the hardest part of life right now. I am so afraid to lose again. I have so much anxiety because I know what loss is. It was different when I'd never lost anyone close to me. I could let things go because I didn't really believe in my heart that the worst could really happen. Now I know it really can. I am proud I didn't freak out and lose it -- though I am making calls to talk about this with the recreation department. My loss of sleep is well spent if it saves a kid from harm.

On a lighter note -- we saw Paul McCartney!!!!!! Years ago I had to give up tickets because I was REALLY sick. I am so glad I got to see him live. What and AWESOME concert. The kids are mad at me that I didn't take them. $140 per ticket and worth every dime. Hope he comes back -- I'd take the kids even at that crazy price. I realize that I'm blessed -- I've seen some awesome acts live and it can not be beat. I'm so glad my Mom spent a gillion dollars and took me to Simon and Garfunkel as well as Billy Joel. Sometimes you bit the bullet, spend the money, and make the memory. I would love it if I could take the kids to see Sir Paul. I checked all the rest of the tour dates and it is sold out. I will hope and wait!