Some not so great news today has me freaking out a bit. I learned today my Dad's cardiac stress test didn't come back so great. If you could please fire up the prayers I would be eternally grateful.

There appear to be blockages and he is against a catheterization if they can't assure him it will make a difference (as in doing a angioplasty vs. just looking around). My dad is a wonderful man. He had a triple bypass 20 some years ago. He had an aortal aneurysm a few years back as well. He is our bullet dodging superman who had his first heart attack at 43. He's 67 and I'm scared for him. Thinking about this at all freaks me out. Please pray for him, he is a rock to our entire family. I am so afraid for him. I don't want to lose him. He is an amazing person. I wish I had appreciated him more in the past -- in watching him with my Mom when she was sick I came to truly appreciate him.

I know my terror for him comes from fear that multiplied after losing my Mom. Knowing this doesn't make it better and it doesn't make me any less frightened. Will admitting my fear of losing him make this any better? I still haven't talked to him about the rings. I guess now is NOT the time. This sucks. I hate being afraid. Ignorance is bliss. Not knowing how much loss hurts makes you safe from true fear. True fear is knowing what you can lose.