Exotic Rubber - NOT what you are thinking!!!!!!

Once upon a time, my husband's aunt kept the company books. Hubby and his father are and were the only employees of said company. They had a crew at one point, but discovered that profits were higher when you kept the company small. This construction business survived vs. thrived, but that another story. . .

In today's story it is 1993.

Hubby and I are newlyweds, we've been married less than a year. He is working for his dad and has been working for him full time in the construction business for 2 years. They are the work force of an excavation company, and his father has promised that "one day all of this will be yours."

Little did we know that this wouldn't be worth jack #$%^& in 2006. Anyway.....

So, hubby is working with his dad and is responsible for purchasing pipes and other things for this excavation business. Hubby's aunt (let's call her M.) is the company's book keeper since wonderful father inlaw (let's call him Dumbass) is too cheap to hire an accountant. M. is thick as thieves with Satan, Dumbass's wife and Hubby's mother.

M. is doing a splendid job as book keeper. She gets to write herself checks weekly for doing the huge task (please note my sarcasm) of balancing the checkbook. Not a bad gig, I must say.

Anyway.... M. is reviewing the charges on the company credit card statement. She sees some purchases that shock and appall her. Hubby has purchased things from "Exotic Rubber." What the heck is he doing with his new wife, and why is he charging it to the company credit card? What kind of sicko is he??? What kind of woman has he married???

M. approaches Dumbass to let him know that his son (my hubby) is a pervert and that the pervert is financing his fetishes through the company credit card no less!! Dumbasss doesn't stop for one second to ask his son about the credit card charges. Nope, DUMBASS calls the credit card company and puts a stop on hubby's company card -- without discussing it, without asking for details about the credit card charges.

Exotic Rubber is a company where hubby purchased hydraulic hoses for the equipment for the company business. Dumbass never asked M. any questions to reveal what company hubby was making his perverted purchases from. M. didn't know enough about the business to expect purchases to be made from this hydraulic hose distributor.

Apparently M. jumped to conclusions. She saw "Exotic Rubber" on the credit card statement and let her imagination run wild. She then told Satan (my mother inlaw) about the pervert of a son she had ripping off the family business. Satan, M., and Dumbass had a field day letting their imaginations run wild on the kind of purchases the pervert had made. Yes, the whole family was a chattering, but did they say ONE word to hubby? No.

So, how does Hubby find out about all of this scandal? Well, he went to use the company credit card for a company purchase. The cashier tells him the card is no good. Hubby calls the credit card company and is told that his credit has been cut off by the primary card holder (a.k.a. Dumbass). Hubby is shocked and embarrassed. He pays the expense out of pocket with OUR charge card.

Hubby then calls DUMBASS to ask "What the hell?" Slowly the tale unravels. . .

At this point, Dumbass has made some real dumbass accusations. Hubby asks him what the hell he is talking about? Dumbass makes ignorant statements about Hubby's sex life. Dumbass backs up the ignorant accusations with the credit card statement from M. (the overpaid book keeper and gossiper).

Satan and M. watch on the sidelines as the fireworks are exploding. Holy cow, this is better than their daytime soap operas!!

Hubby points out to Dumbass that he had made hydraulic hose purchases, as requested, to fix the company equipment. Dumbass realizes he is a dumbass. Satan and M. are confused. Hubby clues Satan and M. in on their false assumptions noting that they are total idiots who could have easily resolved this with a phone call. He shouldn't have to explain himself to them, but he does.

M., Satan, and Dumbass laugh at their mistakes. So funny! Dumbass reinstates Hubby on the company credit card. Nobody apologizes to Hubby or ME for their assumptions about our sexual perversion and EXOTIC RUBBER. Granted, that is a dumbass name for a company, but please! Wouldn't you talk it out before cutting off your son on the company credit card? Wouldn't you at least apologize to your son if this story was your story? To this day, no apology.

Hell, if we were so exciting as to be the type to purchase EXOTIC RUBBER, do you think we'd be dumb enough to put it on the company credit card? HELLO????

Dumbass is SUCH a dumbass.

Today was his birthday party.

Happy Birthday Dumbass!!!

Additional note:
Hubby and I both laugh about this story and the many others today. We have come a long way in how we deal with his family. We are a team -- he is my rock and anchor through the hard times. It took a while to learn how to deal with the inlaws, but I can say the stories are funny now. I am no longer hurt, and Hubby sees his family for how they are.
This is a blessing which we have worked at and which I greatly appreciate!