First Day of School -- FREAKING OUT

I'VE BEEN FREAKING OUT! Sometimes I wish I was the one basking in the sunspot.

WOW, was I overwhelmed today -- hopefully I'll be less so next week! I am sure I will be better (since I am already better tonight!). Today was the first day of school for my kids. I think they are relieved to go back, but I hate having to be the bedtime and homework cop... Tonight was soccer practice and I needed to pick up the jerseys, but they are not ready yet. But then I got the call at the last minute, raced to get them, and delivered them just as the girls practice ended. It was fun being the hero :-) That must be why I am calm now.

I met my cooperating teacher for my pre student teaching class. I'm supposed to be in her classroom 2.5 hours per week -- she's seeming ready for me to be there a LOT more than that. I'd love to lady, but you see I have a day job too.... UGH.

She also intimidates the hell out of me. My work and school experience makes my comfort zone English and Speech. She teaches both of these as well as Acting -- NOT a comfort zone for me. I'm intimidated by lack of knowledge. I need the experience in this area since it IS part of my certification (and I'm not comfortable teaching that which I do not know)... Anyway, my cooperating teacher teaches all of my subjects but her passion is drama. She pretty much seems like she looks down on the rest (where my passion lies). She pretty much talked down about "English teachers who teach an acting class because they think acting is 'fun.'" She freaks me out. She used to be a professional casting director. I am not in her league on the whole drama thing. I should learn a ton from her. I know what it is to have drama in my life, I don't know what it is to TEACH it.

So, I'm intimidated. I hate things that I'm not an expert at. I admit it, I'm a perfectionist and am VERY uncomfortable feeling ignorant. I also hate that I have a day job and can't be there in this classroom more -- she seems to want me there for play practice too, and that really can't happen with my work schedule. I could learn a ton from her if I just had more hours in the day. I was freaking out about what she must think of me after our first conversation (I had been running my ass off at work all day so I was more scattered than together, ugh). Never meet new people if you don't have time to stop for lunch, must visit 4 clients and drive 125 miles before 2pm.

Now that is flustered! My Mom was always the rock who talked you down when you when you were flustered. She had an amazing way of being the calm in the storm. Well, today my Dad got that opportunity and he ACED it. After I told him how intimidated I was and how I hated being ignorant, he simply said "You have forgotten your role here. You are the student, you are not the teacher. You are expected to LEARN. You are not the one expected to know everything yet." Well, when you put it that way, I guess I should simmer down. That man! Why did I never appreciate him before? Why don't I give him the chance to be my hero more often? He never lets me down.

My professors are on strike and so my instructors will not be communicating with me as I try to ease into the fun of observing classes. Nope -- I'll just be observing at this high school and won't know my assignments -- I'll fake along with the outline, but more uncertainty looms over me and I HATE uncertainty. Time to be ripped from my comfort zones -- can you feel it?

I am supposed to have class Monday and Tuesday nights so will have to leave work at 4pm. I'll need to be at the high school from about 7:15am to 9:30am Tuesday's and Thursdays to observe acting class. (I struggle to be to work at 9am with dry hair -- heaven help me get to a high school this early!!!!!) Somehow I need to sprinkle in a full work week and do the online class work that goes with the classroom observation. Luckily hubby can handle the soccer practices on his own and I'll be free for weekend games. Games are more fun than practice anyway...

I'm a little overwhelmed. I think it is that first week of school thing. I've had more hectic schedules. I've kept more balls in the air. Once I'm in the swing this will be a breeze. Off to do stuff for my online class now. It is a good thing the TV will be off this semester! Hubby says I'll be fine -- I do well under pressure. He's right. It will be okay. Breath in, breath out.........

Oh! And it rained today so no construction progress on my street. We enter week 7 of reconstruction.... the saga continues.....