I've been trying to repair my relationship with my sister. I am once again stunned by her behavior. I have prayed for her to conceive. She and her husband want a child and they are not getting any younger. I was thrilled for her when she called me with the good news last week. She's pregnant! YIPPEE!!
Then things got weird. She told me not to tell. She said she'd be telling Dad that night, and then she wasn't telling anyone for a few weeks since she is so early along. This was something she agreed upon with her husband. She then tells me that I need to pretend that I don't know. She goes on to tell me not to tell my husband her good news. I hate that. My husband is my confidant. How am I supposed to hold back on sharing great news with him? I expressed this concern and she threw it in my face that her friend wasn't sharing it with her husband. Ugh. Anything her friend does is the standard I must live by. (That's fine, I didn't tell my husband. He guessed it :-)
As the conversation continues, I learn that she has already told her good friend and her boss. Her hubby knows she's told the friend, and yet it isn't okay to tell me. What kind of strangeness is this? I'm her freaking SISTER.
When I got pregnant I told hubby, then my Mom, and then I called MY SISTER. How can it not be okay for YOUR SISTER to know you are pregnant?
This past weekend she shared the news with our brother. He asked her if I knew yet. She said NO -- she tells me this on the phone. She said that "no" came out of her mouth because her husband didn't know she had told me and he was standing right there. Don't lie to your husband dumbass. Ugh. My brother was super touched and honored that she told him first. I'll let it stay that way.
I admit it. I am really hurt. I'm happy for her, but I feel the divide between us growing... It is hard when you feel like you are being manipulated and pushed away. What else can you call it when your sister makes you pretend you don't know her happy news?
She's pushing me away... How can I work to heal this relationship when she keeps playing games? I told her to tell her husband that she told me... I wish she had... I miss having a sister who was a best friend...
I used to have faith the our relationship could recover. I now wonder.
I miss my sister, I wish she would come back.
4 comments:
Is it her husband? Is he abusive?
No. He is pretty mousy most of the time... She wears the pants in the family but then periodically defers to him on this or that. I agree that his behavior on this one smells of a controlling abusive type guy, but that really isn't his style. He is very old fashioned and very private. He thinks they should not tell until she is at least 3 months along... My thing is why lie to him? Why pretend she didn't tell me when it is NORMAL to spill to your sister.... sigh.....
if I hadn't been thru this myself, I probably would not understand. it's a crazy thing. everyone should be besides themselves with joy. yet, there's fear (of miscarriage) and there's lots of self-consciousness. the mommie-to-be wants to be the center of attention, yet she does not.
ug. I thought I was the first person my sister told about expecting her first baby. that's what she told me!! I was crushed when i found out she had told a guy friend at work a month earlier. that hurt on two counts, she has so casually lied to me. and felt closer to a *man* that she worked with!!
anyway, Congrats!!! it's going to be great. babies are the great equalizer! but don't be surprised if she knows more about parenting than you do, about 15 days after the babe is born.
Thank you Wednesday Girl! I am SO excited about the baby! You are right. Babies are ALWAYS blessings. Even if this baby's mommy is being a doody head....
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