Divorce

When I was growing up we didn't know about divorce. Only Uncle Mike was divorced, and he was super creepy anyway (I'm sorry, but everyone has a creepy alcoholic Uncle Mike don't they? If you do not, be grateful).

My parents were just shy of their 40th anniversary when my Mom passed. Hubby's parents are crazy and often a pain in the ass, but they are still together (nearing 40 years). We have been blessed in that manner. Both of our immediate families have lacked divorce. Hubby and I each have a sister who has (or will soon) marry a divorced man. We have never suffered an immediate family divorce... until now.

My wonderful, sweet, kind, awesome baby brother is getting a divorce. His wife and he grew apart (depression sucks) and she won't go for counseling. She wants the divorce and is okay with the concept of dissolving their union. There is a history of divorce in her family and "it all works out." She was not willing to go to marriage counseling. This has broken my heart.

Like I said, we have never had divorce in our immediate family. We have never had to face what happens when a marriage falls apart. This week my 10 year old niece learned that her mom and dad can't get along anymore and need to live apart. They explained that they were both making each other unhappy. Mom and Dad are getting divorced. Everyone still loves you and you still have both families, but mom and dad won't be living together anymore. It sucked for her....

I can't imagine having my whole world change like that at 10 years old. It got a little better when she found out that she gets to have TWO bedrooms now. How cool is that? You are 10 years old, and you get TWO bedrooms? Heck, I never have had my own bedroom. My niece gets TWO! I would not trade places with her for the world.

I'm glad she can look on the bright side. I'm glad she is taking it well. I'm not. I'm holding a grudge over the fact that my former sister inlaw is getting a house down the street from my brother and that she is actually getting a few more square feet. I'm angry that she's had an 'emotional affair.' How petty am I?

I know she's going to move into a house that hasn't been updated since the 60's and I'm angry at her for changing. She is no longer the person I knew. She was a sister to me and now the things she has done have made her a stranger. I don't want to be angry at her. I don't want to be uncomfortable. I am so selfish that I'm mourning the loss of her to my family. It will never be the same. I can never feel so close to someone who has betrayed my brother so deeply. How dare she? How dare she end this marriage and destroy her family without EVER doing marriage counseling????

My baby brother is awesome. He views it as "it takes two" for a marriage to fall apart. He does not hold it against her that she would not get the counseling he wanted. He is such a big person! He is bigger than I could ever be. I admire that what matters to him is his kids. He does not care about himself -- it is all about them. I'm so proud of him that everything for him is all about his kids. I understand, because my kids come first too.... but I'm so proud of him. My brother is a bigger man than I ever knew. He will always be a good example for his kids. I hope I can get to the point where I'm less angry and am more of a big person. Please let it be soon -- before I have to explain this to MY kids. Ugh.

Marriage is worth working on. We can't take it for granted. I'm so sad that divorce is so common today. I understand that it has to happen sometimes... but I fear that people often give up when there is still a good chance of saving the marriage. It would be easier to accept if she had just tried counseling. I grieve for what we have lost... I will miss the way things were.