I hate that I have to work full time, take classes, and try to maintain home at the same time. I hate that my brother's wife cheated, asked for a divorce, and destroyed his world. I hate that I can't make his decisions for him and I can't protect him. I hate that I don't know how to help him. I hate that my cousin's breast cancer is stage 4 and that there is another spot on her liver. I hate that my Uncle had to have a quadruple bypass yesterday but I'm SO grateful that he is doing better today. I hate that my sister inlaw is struggling daily not to miscarry her child. I hate that she has miscarried in the past. I hate that this pregnancy is so filled with fear for her and my brother. I hate that stupid people at work choose to only focus on the negative. I hate what all of this is doing to my Dad. I hate that life is so fragile. I know what loss is. March 26 will be the two year anniversary of losing my Mom. I miss her. I wish she were here to help steer this freighter...
Oh, and I found a lump in my breast on Saturday. I will call the doctor tomorrow. It hurts, so it is likely nothing. I just don't dig having a lump (that hurts) in my big old boob. I am also getting to spend my THIRD night at the sleep clinic because I stop breathing 20-22 times per hour (according to the last sleep study) and now I get a CPAP machine to help me get restful sleep. I'm grateful there is a way to get me better sleep, but ANOTHER night at the sleep clinic makes me want to spit bullets.
I feel the negativity flowing around me. I stop. I revisit the blessings. That is what my Mom would do. I have 3, count them THREE, nieces/nephews on the way! I have one year to go until I'm a hirable double major teacher. I have a husband who loves me and kids who hugged me when I got home from class tonight. Oh, how I live for those hugs. Oh -- and a guy kinda hit on me at the gas stations today! Life is good. I have to focus on the good, there is so much of it... The bad things will pass. I can only control what I can control. I will choose to focus on the blessings. Wishing you many blessings on this very cold day!
A friend sent me this picture. So, do you see the baby?
5 comments:
What a cool photo.
Great photo
Thanks for reminding me to count my blessings. I am praying for your brother and his family.
praying for a good report on your lump results.
Do not settle for anything less than a mammogram -- I had a similar problem a few months ago (it turned out to be muscular stress from lifting bikes of all things, but it HURT) and they say pain is actually a good sign. Please, do get it checked out.
And...my Uncle sleeps with one of those CPAP machines and it has changed his life.
So many good things to look forward to for you in the coming year, and look, you also lost 20 lbs. already! Good for you!!!
Keep on keepin' on.
Carrie :)
Wow, you've got a lot going on right now! I'll echo Carrie and say, "keep on keepin' on."
I hope the tests go well for you. I'm glad you have a hubby who reminded you, too. Whatta guy!
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