Stop it -- hot flashes??????

I know I’m turning the BIG 40 in about two weeks, but are these recent flashes really necessary? I’m not talking about fraternity boys flashing their rear ends…. I’m talking about HOT FLASHES.

How can this be? Me? Having hot flashes????

How else do I explain it when I’m the only one in the room fanning myself and wondering aloud "Is the air conditioning is broken?"

Seriously…. I wish my mother was here to share her wisdom on surviving these moments when my personal thermostat goes HAYWIRE. I know she'd tell me to stay away from hormone treatments at all costs (uterine cancer took her life). That's about it though -- that was the only menopause advice she had time to give me.

Hello, why am I pouring with sweat? Oh my gosh, I know it was a hot day last week – but why did I sweat so much at the soccer game that it looked like I sat in a puddle??? (Note to self, carry a jacket anyway in case you need to wrap it to cover grotesque sweat. This was at the sunny game not the rainy one!). Oh.My.Goodness. I feel like a disgusting sweat ball after these “flashes.”

Who the heck named them "hot flashes" when they have spanned 30 minutes to a few hours??

Why has my body betrayed me? Come on, I finally accepted the stretch marks I earned 12 years ago…. can't my body let me alone for a little while?

I know there is a “Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy,” what are your suggestions on getting me through this pre-menopause stuff? I need a guide book darn it! Hello, I am just knocking on FORTY, if this crap is going to start now then I’ll gladly have the monthly periods stop now thankyouverymuch…..

How am I having hot flashes when my FORTY ONE year old sister is knocked up and due to have baby #2 in November? She is older than me and is of no use on these life issues. As kids, I developed first and got my period first. As adults I married first and had kids LONG before she did. She is of NO use to me on this topic and nobody offers an epidural to get you through aging.

So, strong women of the internet -- what do you know about hot flashes that I didn't read in the wiki? Challenge round: Due to my risk for uterine cancer I am to avoid hormone replacement therapy and soy.

Pardon me, I must go dab the sweat from this healthy glow that isn't from pregnancy..... What the heck!? I'm not even forty yet!!! Okay... almost :-) Off to eat ice cubes....