Today I feel okay. I am glad that I went to see the social worker at the hospice again this morning. They offer grief counseling for families who had a loved one in the hospice program. My Mom was accepted into the program the Wednesday before she died (on a Saturday). I am so grateful for this. It is wonderful to have this counseling available for free. The thought of dealing with insurance and copays right now would make me pull my hair out.

We talked about how cleaning out the clothes. It can wait until my sister is ready. My dad told her he was okay with this. My sister is not up to it and I'm passed being angry about this (initially I felt she should get over herself for my Dad's sake, now I see that he is stronger than her despite it all). I don't like being controlled by her, but I can't control the situation so I'll move on.

This weekend is my parents 40th anniversary. I will be looking to keep my Dad busy. This is so hard. I just got off the phone with him. He seemed relieved that I brought it up. He liked that I wanted to come over and walk the yard with him so we could plan flowers. We will plant next weekend. It is nice to have something to work on (making the map and list of what to buy). I invited him to dinner and talked about maybe going out. I told him I knew it was going to be a hard weekend and that I'm happy to do whatever he wants.

I had asked my brothers about the weekend and they looked at me like I was crazy -- almost like saying "hey! if he wants something he'll ask for it!" That just doesn't work for me. I'm glad my Dad called the office so we could discuss this within the hearing of my brothers. Now at least they know I made the effort and maybe they will too. Why is it easier to talk about this stuff over the phone vs. face to face?

I am discovering that I need to take some time for me. I've put it on the calendar at work. Hopefully there won't be issues with my brothers. I liked it when the social worker from the hospice told me my job is to take care of me. I need that push. It is hard to take time off here but I need it so I'm going to.