I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving. Tomorrow I must go to my mother inlaw's and it is a very uncomfortable situation. I am not up to going but have to go because they are having dinner at noon to accommodate me being with my Dad (since this is our first Thanksgiving without my Mom). It was a very uncomfortable discussion because my husband failed to have the conversation with her as we'd planned -- he left it so she blindsided me. I blame my husband more than my mother inlaw but I'm VERY uncomfortable having to spend time with her. Part of me resents her for being here while my Mom is gone. My Mom took care of herself, walked, and was unselfish. His mom has been morbidly obese, had gastric bypass surgery, was wildly non compliant on the rules, had massive complications, and has almost died more times than Jason. I don't want her dead, but I resent her surviving when my Mom is gone. Doesn't it feel like lightening should strike me and I should no longer be writing right now?

So anyway, I'm almost out of the good cough medicine and I'm not up for the drama of his family. They don't get it and they can't get it. My husband has done little to make this up to me (his creating the tension by not talking to her and letting me get cornered). So now I'm supposed to go over there and appreciate the early dinner when all I want to do is stay in bed until I have to go to my sister's at 4:30. This just sucks. I'm not up for one Thanksgiving let alone two -- and I'm forced into two because I'll offend everyone if I stay home sick. My relationship with my inlaws will never recover if I don't show. My sister will have a stroke if I don't show.

All I want to do is cook up a turkey breast and have instant mash potatoes at home. That and the cranberry sauce in the can that you slice into rounds -- love that stuff. No veggie or salad necessary -- but I would be fine to add some gravy (instant is fine). That would be the ideal Thanksgiving this year.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have families that want us there and who care about us. I'm just tired and sick and overwhelmed. I can't imagine expending all this energy and still making it back to work on Friday. The load waiting for me next week is crippling and I just don't feel like my energy is coming back fast enough. Letting the dogs out today drained me -- how the hell will I make it through tomorrow? I'm going to be rude and ask if I can take a nap. Just because I sound better doesn't mean I feel better yet. Wish I did!

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for this outlet for all of my feelings. I'm thankful for a great family who I love. I'm thankful for cough syrup that is strong enough to topple a horse -- may my doctor prescribe more.

Wishing anyone who reads this blessings :)