Anxiety. Anxiety. Anxiety. Yesterday I had enough to make me stay awake half the night. I apparently don't do well on Mother's Day without my mother. I know you know this, but I miss her SO much! I want to get myself together and be more like her.

My house is a mess and I was ashamed when a family friend stopped by yesterday. His daughter had gotten married on Saturday and I had complimented the mother of the bride on the beautiful flowers. He brought over a centerpiece for me saying she thought I would like it. The flowers were beautiful, I looked like hell. I'd gotten back into my PJ's and my house was a mess (we'd gone to brunch at my SIL's and had gotten home around 5:30 -- too much inlaws!) Anyway, the father of the bride saw my house looking horrible and I was ashamed. I need to get over stuff like this -- it is just that my house looks so good when I don't have stuff everywhere! If only he had seen it looking decent! It was his first time at my house. Ugh. Time to get more obsessive compulsive about my home.

The wedding was great -- though my sister and her hubby got into it. They are still going through those newly wed adjustments. It is making me really glad that T and I met at 16, grew up together, dated 7 years, and THEN got married. It wasn't that hard adjusting to each other since we already knew each other so well. Dating a year or 2 and marrying later in life apparently doesn't resolve as much. I'm glad I'm me! My husband's sister asked us both to be in her wedding. I need to lose a good 45-50 pounds.

When I told my sister how much I needed to lose she was shocked -- apparently I'm hiding the heavy load better than most. I don't think so, but I'll take it as a compliment. I have 17 months. I think God had her ask me in hopes that I'd lose the weight. It is time. I'm 37 -- it would be awesome to get to goal weight and to keep it off for my 40th. If I do, I will have my boobs reduced as a gift to myself. Nobody needs DD's+. It just isn't right.

This 5-9 Friday and 9-5 Saturday class is overwhelming. Not sure I'll do this again. Very difficult after a long work week. I'm so tired. I have got to stop freaking out about this class. I'm 1/3 the way through -- I didn't realize how much this class would stress me. I thought because it was communications it would be fun. I'm freaking out because most of my grade depends on group work. I hate group work. Doesn't everyone? I do enough group work in REAL life -- having it in class makes me nuts. My group is emailing back and forth. This class will require a ton of group time outside of class and we only have 2 weeks left. Hopefully we will pull this off successfully. And hopefully I'll stop freaking out over this!