The rings

My Mom had 2 wedding bands. One older one and one newer band (the newer band was one my Dad had made with old family diamond set in it). Both my sister and I wanted the older one - the plain one. My sister didn’t even want to discuss it after my Mom passed away because she knew we both wanted the same thing. The decision lingered for a year an a half since my sister was not comfortable discussing the matter. It bothered me that we didn’t discuss it because it felt like it was hanging over our heads. I wanted us each to be wearing one of her wedding bands. What better way to remember her than to look down at your hand and see her ring?

During this time, Dad did further research and discovered that Mom changed her most recent copy of the will. She was leaving the decision to my sister and I, I guess it pretty much said "whatever makes them happy that they can agree to." Finally in December it was been settled that we'd discuss it. We did so just before Christmas. My sister out of nowhere suggested we make a copy of the band in question.

I mentioned having a ring made was not in my financial picture at the moment (knowing ring making is pricey and knowing the band is a wide and unique one). She says "My husband will pay for it, he'll do anything to make me happy." I mention that my husband won't pay for it – he would rather throw me in the street and have me run over by a truck. This is not true, he would not throw me in the street or laugh when I was hit by a truck, but I thought the comment was funny and so did my Dad.

So, we were undecided on who was getting what (after finally discussing the matter no decision was made, ugh). My very sweet Dad decided the copy idea is a good one and took the wedding band to a jeweler. The thinking was that this way we could each have the older band that we are both attached to (and we would then each get one of her other 2 rings). We both have nice memories of the older wedding band on Mom's hand as we grew up. We both talked about how we can still hear that band click on the Formica counter top as Mom folded laundry.

I had already decided I would be happy with EITHER band – as long as I got one of her wedding bands. It dragged on through the holidays, and finally my sister and I discuss the whole thing. I had feared she wanted the original band and the newer wedding band. When we finally talked it out, I agree to take the copy. She will get the original older band and the other ring of Mom's, I will get the copy and the newer wedding band and the copy of the older band. At this point I am happy -- I'm getting one of the actual bands (and the copy is a nice bonus on top of the newer band).

We go to have our sizing done and the band must be sized down for my sister – the ring was always too big for Mom. What I didn't realize is that she was wearing an 8! She was nowhere near a size 8! My sister is having it sized down to a 5 1/2 for her middle finger on her right hand. Dad has the idea of having the the replica made with part of the metal of the old band. I have to say, I loved this idea. To have the copy was great -- but to have a replica that incorporates the metal from the original is really special.

My Dad is thrilled we were both more interested in the sentimental ring (he also smiles at memories of it clicking on the Formica counter while she folded laundry…..) It is crazy and expensive to make a 2nd ring, but Dad is a sweet sentimental guy. The jeweler cried when he told her the story when we got sized and when my Dad said "Hey, incorporate what you take out of the old band into the replica so that it will be like each of you having the same band."

I would have been happy with either band – I just didn't want to not get either. So last night my Dad called for me while I was at class. Hubby talked to him and Dad told him how the rings were ready. Hubby told my Dad he thought he was a great guy for making this effort to make both of his daughters happy. He complimented Dad on using the metal from the ring to make the second ring. Hubby thinks that is really cool -- and it is. Dad was pretty pleased with himself.

So, this morning I came to work and my Dad gave me my ring. It is beautiful. I look down at my hand now and I almost see the ring on my Mom's finger again. I didn't want conflict over the rings, just happy memories. And we are blessed because this is a happy ending! I was so happy, Dad was so happy. Sometimes it is nice to just stop and really enjoy the moment.

I had just wanted to wear one of my Mom's rings. I miss her so. It is nice to look at the ring and think back to the happy memories with her. I am grateful that I am back to enjoying the happy memories. The sickness and her death will forever be etched on my soul, but now I can hold the happier times nearer my heart. I guess that is what happens when you come through your horrible grief into a better place with your loss.

I miss her, but at least I can hold the good memories closer than the hard ones now. Time doesn't heal the wound, but it makes it easier to live with. Now I'm off to just stare at my ring and think of Mom. Have a good day!

Added: I got a call from my sister tonight. Dad gave her ring to her this afternoon. She is thrilled to pieces and loves it. She is glad things are settled too.

The photo is the ring -- both classic and modern don't you think? What you can't really see in the photo is that there are tiny little lines carved in the gold (vertical from this angle). The band is wide -- Mom had longer fingers than my sister and I, so we are both opting to wear our rings on the 3rd finger on the right hand. We can't pull off that wide of a band on the 4th finger.

I'm glad my sister is thrilled. I'm glad it is settled. When I hear my ring click I think of Mom. It is nice. Dad says my sister and I both need to learn to fold laundry so that the ring clicks on the counter. Folding laundry -- what an idea!!