shoot me

I have not slept in 2 days. The sleep study didn't allow for real sleep and last night over tired insomnia hit. Here I am again, I am so tired. Could not sleep last night. Too agitated to sleep right now. Ignore my venting, this won't be pretty...

I've been given the ugly news that with state law changes I'm needing to add classes and become a double major in order to make myself marketable as a teacher. So, I need to squeeze in 4 more classes. I have to take two before student teaching this fall. The classes I need are not offered when I need them -- I'll have to take 2 classes spring semester and one of them will have to be during the work day.

The classes are not offered summer semester and I can't take classes while student teaching. I'll have to take 2 more classes next winter -- after student teaching. Just when I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel it gets snuffed out. I wouldn't be so irritated but a year and a half ago the English advisor at the university told me NOT to be a double major -- I was just as hire-able and "highly qualified" if English was my minor. My "No Child Left Behind" credentials are the same whether it is a minor or a major. Now the people at the high schools tell me the opposite.

How I'll get away with daytime classes while managing my work schedule I just don't know. I can't even pull off one day a week classes -- like I am this semester. The classes I need are twice a week and 3 hours long. I will have to drive 45 minutes to campus to take them. This is 17 hours per week of class and drive time for 8 weeks. This does not count READING time -- these are literature classes!!!! How can I even consider this?

I've taken 3 classes the past 2 semesters while working full time and having a family. I am burned out and TIRED. The classes I need are literature classes to turn my English minor into a major. Imagine, 2 literature classes (more reading please!) during spring semester (only 8 weeks) while working full time and raising two great kids.

I miss my family. I miss my hubby. I miss down time. I'm so tired. I don't want to do this, but in the big picture it is the right thing to do. Curses on the law makers and some of the proposed changes in this state. Curses on NCLB. So I will suck it up. I will take my 4 more classes. I must somehow convince work to tolerate me. I want to cry. I just hate asking my Dad and brothers to put up with my absence -- less of me at work is more work for them.

One brother has a high risk pregnant wife (due mid spring semester). The other brother is in the midst of divorce. My sister is pregnant and due in June. I need to push through an 8 week spring semester. I need to, but I've been pushing through since last fall and I'm SO tired.

Please say a prayer for me. I'm sad I need to ask for more time off work. I'm already taking next fall to student teach. I'd promised no conflicts until then (following this semester where I take 1/2 a day at the high school for field experience and leave early twice a week for class). I feel like such a deadbeat.

Ugh. Okay, I think I feel better after that rant? maybe.... okay not. Oh well....... Ugh. Tomorrow will be a better day... I'm buried in school work right now and overwhelmed. Maybe if the sleep doctor can solve my sleep problems in a few weeks I'll be less freaked out. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.