Ugly Rant -- You have been warned.

I have not been having dandy days since I posted last. I stayed quiet because I hate when my blog matches it's name. I like it better when I am filled with hope and joy -- are at least happy sarcasm.

Hubby is caught between a rock and a hard place right now. There is just enough work to keep busy, but not enough work to get paid. Keeping busy is keeping me crazy since we can't pay the bills with busy. When I total up how much we have lost in wages over the past 2 years to this "keeping busy" work it makes me sick.

My father inlaw is fine with stringing it along since he is only 2 years from social security. He isn't paying daycare and tuition either. He can afford to wait it out since he only has 2 mouths to feed. He is selfish enough not to care that we are deep into our home equity line of credit and are soon to be looking at negative equity in our home. The business is going under, but as long as it is slow enough to get him to social security, that seems just fine. The patient is dead, the heart keeps on beating. He won't pull the plug.

There have been no offers from the inlaws to pay Hubby. This even after I mentioned that I simply SKIPPED PAYING my April mortgage payment. I skipped it. Didn't pay. Didn't pay the utilities either. Or the credit cards. I paid Dell though -- those people call you day and night like you would not believe. Visa got paid and so did Comcast -- a girl needs her Internet! My mother inlaw dared to complain about money to me this weekend. I advised her on who calls for money and who doesn't. She paid her mortgage last month. How nice for her.

I am not used to being destitute. This sucks. Hubby is depressed and doesn't have time to find a job since he is keeping busy with work that he isn't paid to do. How sad that his father is saying "Go ahead and look for a job" out of one side of his mouth while he low balls jobs to keep busy out of the other side of his mouth. Hubby doesn't have time to go find a PAYING job since they are doing such a great job keeping busy and making no money.

It wouldn't be so bad if Hubby wasn't dead tired from the work and stressed beyond belief. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be the bad guy to pressure Hubby to leave the family business for a PAYING JOB! It wouldn't be so bad if they at least offered to help in some way. Why don't they dip into their home equity line of credit??? Why don't they let him have time off to find a fricking paying job? Why can they only see their needs and why would they put their needs above those of their son and grandchildren?

The rub is that it is starting to cause friction in my marriage. My time is spent pointing this ugliness out to Hubby. I point it out so that he doesn't stay a deer in headlights. He is depressed and feeling trapped. This leads to inaction, which is of course the worst option for us right now. I feel like I have to push him toward movement and I'm already tired from having to push myself. I don't have the energy to push us both... but I must, because he is in a horrible position and I love him. I understand that he doesn't want to abandon ship or bring our ship down. At this point it is becoming us or them. They (my inlaws) have made poor financial decisions that have put us all in this position of jeopardy. They have broken so many promises. They have created an impossible situation for Hubby. They don't care.

How can you do that to your own child? Apparently my inlaws are the type who would eat their young. How sad. No wonder my hair is coming in so grey!!!