I am a woman of size. I am not thin. I call myself fat because I AM. I am not proud of this, but I am no longer ashamed. I work my ass off and unfortunately it grew as I lived on fast food. I am losing weight, but it is VERY slow. I had my two wonderful kids 360 days apart. After 10 years my stretch marks are still like vertical zebra stripes upon my belly. My fat belly.
Saturday I went bridesmaid dress shopping with my sister inlaws (semi midget height) and their Barbie doll friend. The wedding party will include 3 Barbies, a semi midget bride, a semi midget maid of honor, and me -- the short fat sister inlaw. I feel like total HOTNESS!
So there we were at the bridal shop on Saturday. I laughed at the size nine tops they wanted me to try on. Silly Barbie Girl says -- "Try this, just see how it will look." She didn't know what she was setting off. I smiled at her and said, "You just don't get this do you?" My sister inlaw smiled, she knew I was bringing it. She had a baby recently and she kind of gets things more now. I said, "Okay, honey. Let me show you. Let me help you understand."
We are in the dressing room. I take my shirt off -- she sees my non Victoria Secret industrial strength bra. This engineering wonder holds up my DD/F cup breasts. I take the halter from her and whip it on. Size freaking nine. She gets to see my belly stretch marks. So do my sister inlaws. I ask them if they are jealous of my hot stretch marks. There were afraid, they were very afraid...... We all agree, the halter is not a good look for me.
I am considering touring the nation. If I show my stretchmarks to single women everywhere they will be sure to use reliable birth control if not choosing complete abstinence. I can control over population simply by showing off my zebra belly! I know why I am here now. I see my mission more clearly!
We guessed that what looked best on the short girl would look best on me. The sales girl cringed when I asked her what was the best choice for fat women. Apparently she isn't used to honesty? If you won't provide sizes I can try on, deal with my petty question sister. There were no fat lady size tops to try on. We just got to guess. It is one of those weddings were we all wear the same skirt and have different tops. I can't wait to wear my cappuccino skirt and champagne top.
I can't freaking wait! Maybe it will be one of those awesome separates that will show the WORLD my zebra belly if I lift my arms at all when I dance (and my fat self does dance at weddings). Maybe I can flash the zebra stripe stretch marks randomly in tribute to the bride and groom.
It was very freeing to face my body. I'd feared that bridesmaid dress trip and being forced to deal with sizes. 2 years ago for my sister's wedding this was total shame and humiliation. How is it that I never was a bridesmaid when i was a hottie in my early 20s? I'm pushing 39 and it is my second bridesmaid stint in two years. I'm honored ladies, but it is your own darn fault for putting me in these dresses. Separates. Blame yourself if you see my stretch marks!!!!
The truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!
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Added: Yes, I do think this is funny! :-) I am not upset, I am accepting it. It is what it is.....
9 comments:
i don't know if this was meant to be funny, but it sure as heck was to me. :) hopefully that doesn't come across as insensitive. i can't believe the bridal shop didn't have ANY tops in your size to try on! that just seems ridiculous to me -- mostly b/c i know how expensive the bridesmaid separates are. so if you don't guess right you have to pay more to get them tailored? boo! that's no good.
emily -- no worries, you are not insensitive. I think it is funny too. Who knew the power of my stretch marks? I plan on going further into debt due to the wedding... I am in the debt building years... this too shall pass!
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. Too funny. As for stretch marks -- those little fuckers never really go away do they? Gah!
But I'm pretty sure you're going to look hot, lady.
Good for you! Accept reality and embrace it.
For me [as a male], I always thought that my [ex]wife's stretch marks were a 'badge of honour', and I was rather proud of them. btw, I still respect my ex-wife as the mother of my sons, so there's no negativity there from me :)
Enjoy living life and take it how it comes... it's too short otherwise, huh? heh heh
Thanks *so* much for your honest sharing in your blog too - I really appreciate it.
Cyalayta
Mal :)
I have some, too. But I've heard that if you get stretch marks you'll never get varicose veins.
does that make you feel any better?
I love how you're so honest! Good for you!
Tee hee! I know EXACTLY how you feel! I think one of my biggest fears at the moment is being a bridesmaid in someone's wedding. ieesh! Just the thought gives me chills!
I bet you looked prettier than you give yourself credit for! :o)
Let's get your stretch marks and mine together......we could have a convention or something.....serve cocktails....invite a key note speaker....this could work!!!!!!
Way to stick up for us not-so-Barbie sized girls, GRG!!!!! I'm right there with you on the stretch marks thing - if you can't handle them, then don't be such a ninny when you see them! I've always been the big girl in my circle of friends, so I'm always on the look-out for another to band together with.
Oh, and I wish the stretch marks = no vaircose vein thing was true, ladies. Unfortunately, having or not having VV is built into your genetic code.
Damn heredity!!!
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