Divorce

I am learning about divorce. My very best friend in the world is divorcing a crazy man (closed head injury and apparent addict). I am learning that in a divorce it is the lawyers who win -- they get paid for their billable hours and the couple is left with debt. I watch my friend represent herself and wonder at what has happened. I was called to testify... she asked questions of me for about an hour... cross examination was about 3 hours. She learned a lot from the experience (i.e. how to object, what is here say). I learned what it is like to be on the stand, hence I could advise her other witnesses on what it is like and how to avoid the snares the other party want to set for them. To sum it up, I refuse to judge anyone but ME... I would not testify my judgement on another party because I have no right to do so. Let the truth shine and set you free!!

She left him when he threw her... she'd wanted a divorce, but being thrown across the kitchen was what prompted her to leave the marital home and move into her parent's basement... with her four kids. Yeah, not good.

He has stretched the divorce out and stalled at every turn of the road. He has stalked her and yes, she got a PPO against him. He continues to threaten and harass her and her family. I don't understand how his lawyer can facilitate his manipulations. I don't understand why he didn't take the reasonable settlement offer she gave. I truly fear for her safety. Watching this nightmare play out is like watching a bad Lifetime movie.

All I know is that I'm grateful. Hubby and I may have our moments, but he is a DOLL. I love him and am so glad we found each other in this crazy world. I wish my friend had not settled. She deserved more and should have waited. Her life is very complicated now. I pray for her and the kids... When you marry a crazy person and have children with him you damn yourself and your kids.... I know she regrets it now...

The good news is that she is SUCH a great mom that I have great hope her kids will rise above the situation as they witness her strength and conviction. She never bad mouths him to them (or within their hearing). She never breaks a promise. She provides security, love, and caring. He is learning I suppose.... but he has yet to put their needs above his own. How can he manipulate the kids to get back at her? The collateral damage of divorce is huge... I don't know how people survive... how is it that this has become the norm? How do we protect our marriages in this society so that we don't perpetuate this sad legacy upon our kids?

I'm grateful for Hubby... he and I may not be perfect, but we are both committed to working on our partnership so that it lasts our lifetime. I'm so grateful that we both had parents who stuck together... it is easier to see divorce as a way out if it is the family norm. Marriage is WORTH working on... I wish more in our society would take the time to work through it... a good marriage is not all magic and music, you must work at anything that is worthwhile....