Hubby, Teaching, Hectic

We met at the local Burger King. He walked in and was the cutest thing! I walked to the front counter and asked if I could take his order. He wanted a job application. I told the manager to hire him because he was cute. She hired him. He was and is cute!

We became best friends. I wondered about dating him, but wasn't experienced in that sort of thing and anyway, he was 7 months younger than me! You just don't date younger guys like that when you are all of 16. Hello!

Spring break of my senior year in high school -- my parents know me too well and do not allow me to take a trip for spring break. I was home and went out with Hubby and friends the whole break. I remember listening to that cheesy Surviver song called "The Search is Over." It dawned on me that the boyfriend I was pining for was right in front of me. Hubby was a great guy and he was interested. Well, the rest is history!

I think back today to those early days of love. I think about our present and how we are struggling. It isn't our love that is struggling, it is US. My love for him is strong. I miss having time together. I miss having him in my bed. I miss chatting in person vs. over the phone (in the car on the way too and from work).

We are financially struggling (ruined?) due to a failed family business with the inlaws. Hubby is sucking it up and working stocking shelves overnight in order to bring in some kind of paycheck. If it were not for my Dad's business paying me while I'm on leave to student teach, we would be completely ruined. We are barely hanging on. Roof repairs have broken us. Keeping our heads above water has become a cute joke.

I'm tired beyond words as I adjust to teaching (if I could just have 5 more hours per day I'd be FINE!). I didn't anticipate being this tired. I wonder if it is depression or student teaching exhaustion. Getting up at 5am is quite a change for me. Being at work at 6:30 and leaving at 4:00/4:30 is different. Working on papers and lessons every night is tiring and rewarding. I LOVE TEACHING! I will get better at this. I will have a resource file to pull from and expand upon. Creating all new is tiring -- no wonder teachers stick with a class and teach the same stuff yearly. It is a heck of a lot of work to put content together! It shocks me how much freedom teachers have. Freedom is a luxury and a burden. I will use it more wisely and I develop my resources... I love me students and they seem to like me. My cooperating teacher is giving me positive feedback and she is very well respected so I will try not to doubt. I am learning so much!

Back to Hubby. He is depressed. He saw the doctor today. This is good. She referred him for more hearing testing. He talks so loud I flinch. I have feared hearing loss due to construction for quite some time. I think he is starting to realize there is a problem and he is less than thrilled.

I am glad he has started to do martial arts to relieve stress. I need to do that! Maybe in the future... right now blogging will suffice to relieve my stress. I don't have time to do other stuff. I just wish he were home more with me. I wish he could stay here with me and the kids when I am home. It is hard not having any ME time or WE time. It is hard not having an outlet for MY stress. I miss working out. I miss my hubby.

Teachers -- how do you bear having students with terminal cancer? Oh my goodness. I am broken hearted over a new student today. The student is swollen from steroids and didn't make it through the day. I pray for my student, but my heart breaks.

I need to make time to see my doctor. I need to address depression. Or is it that I'm just really tired? It would be justifiable.

Confused.