Depressed

This is how it felt today.... like the world and circumstances were aligned to mock me and my silly attempts at getting things under control. I am so overwhelmed. I feel like a bad student, bad teacher, bad mom, bad wife, bad friend, and bad daughter inlaw.

By 8pm I was in tear. I took a walk but was crying and afraid my neighbors would wonder about me... so I went to take a drive... and discovered one of my headlights is out and my battery light was on. I took Hubby's car and just drove and cried. And cried. And cried. I know in my heart and mind that the current struggles will pass, I'm just so overwhelmed by the fact I could be doing so much better in all of my roles. I am a better student than this. I am a better Mom. I am a better teacher. I am a better wife. I am a better friend. I am a better daughter inlaw. It is just that right now, I'm not my best at any of these things.

It stinks. I can't lean too hard on Hubby due to his depression not lifting. Poor guy. The financial woes are bringing him down (and me too). How sad when he made more on unemployment than he does at the current job working overnight. You'd think the money would be better since the shift is so rough.

I am not used to saying no to people. I don't like to have to set limits, but I find I must right now. There is so much learning that goes on in student teaching. 5 hours sleep per night is just not enough. I hope I can get ahead this weekend. I will get through this... I know I will. I will call my doctor tomorrow. I am depressed. I should not be this overwhelmed. I am grateful for all the learning that I'm gaining... I hate not knowing what I'm doing all the time though. Ah the joy of learning!

I will call my doctor tomorrow. It will be better if the depression were not hovering over me right now. The fight against it is too big, I need help and will seek it. Sometimes it is a hard decision, but once made it feels better. Hopefully my doctor can get me back on track quickly.