Pain Management

I don't know if I'm a freak, but pain sneaks up with me. Since my 2001 auto accident I have lived with pain as part of my daily life. (I blogged about it here last year). At times my pain is more manageable than at other times. I can often control how much my pain companion effects me by taking good care of myself. If I keep my weight in check and exercise, I will feel better. If I control stress and don't over do driving or hand work, I will feel better. Since my mother passed in 2005, I have not managed my pain. I pushed through it, but I have not managed it.

Lately my pain has been bad. I have lived with the heating pad on me in all of my free moments. I have taken to buying Thermacare neck wraps in bulk (this might be the best invention next to the wheel). The difference between pushing through and managing pain is the the crash. The crash comes if you have just pushed through the pain. One day you are rushing through life like normal, and the next thing you know you are in crippling pain. Functional becomes nonfunctional and the smallest hill becomes a soaring mountain. The crash is when all of a sudden you simply can not function. This is where I am at.

I crashed right after student teaching. Here is the crazy thing -- I didn't realize it! I continued with minimal functioning and didn't realize that I was doing nothing besides the absolute bare minimum. Yes, I know depression ties into this, but pain can take away your will to move, touch, and feel. I have not wanted to do anything. A glass of wine or two is helpful in pushing the pain back... suddenly you find yourself having another glass more often... yep, pain management through vino. Not a good choice. I hate it that I've caught myself in this trap. I hate it that my pain has gotten so bad without me noticing.

I don't usually talk about my pain. I noticed that I've been talking about it lately... "Not today, I'm really sore." or "I can't believe how much I hurt today." or "No, I can't do that, my pain is too much." "Can you open that? My hands hurt too much." I was so tired from pushing through life and student teaching that I didn't see this coming. I didn't hear my own words describing my pain. Last week I realized it. I saw that I've been pushing through pain and that I've crashed. I'm having way too many bad "hurting days" as my kids and I call them.

Managing pain is when I take the steps necessary to keep pain in check while still living a healthy life. Managing pain means taking care of me. It means working out and keeping up with periodic doctor appointments. It means less appointments and less time with the heating pad because I'm not pushing through pain to the point of crashing. By managing I work through the pain instead of pushing through it.

So today I went back to the pain doctor and had injections. The injections are called Prolotherapy. By injecting the tissue with what is basically sugar water, the body reacts with inflamation and floods the area with nutrients to promote healing. The theory is that y0u irritate the tissue to kick off the body's natural healing ability. My pain centers around trigger points in my neck, shoulders, chest, and upper back. My hands and arms are affected as well. So I had injections today followed by acupuncture. My doctor and I discussed my chronic myofascial pain that is both active and latent. I have reverted to range of motion restriction and now have muscle weakness as well. He will help me treat the pain so I can get healthy again.

I never believed in acupuncture. I looked at it as voodoo magic until my doctor (who is a doctor of physical medicine and physical rehabilitation / pain management specialist) referred me to one of his partners. I was doing the stretching, exercised and did weight training -- but I was still in a lot of pain. He convinced me to see his partner who convinced the nonbeliever to give it a try. It worked. I was shocked.

My pain has been manageable for the last few years. I have not needed acupuncture in a while. I'm relived I went back. I have typed all of this post in one sitting. This is huge for me. I am going back to managing my pain instead of pushing through it. I know weight loss will be part of it; exercise will be part of it too. Acupuncture and prolotherapy are a good start to get the pain under control enough so I can function and start to exercise again. It is a good feeling to know that I'm taking the steps to get my life back under control. Seeing the doctor today was a big step. I'm relieved to be getting back on track. I want a full life. I'm sick of unmanageable pain.

This is the year I turn 40. I want to get there in control of my life. I want to hit 40 with control of my pain, weight, and attitude. I want to be a great mom for my kids. I must take better care of myself to pull this off. I need to take more time for me. I'm glad I've only got 2 classes this semester. I must exercise as I push for the finish line. I think I can, I think I can! I've been eating more salads and have seen the doctor. Tonight I am vowing to start walking again. Soon I will start weight lifting to strengthen my pathetic muscles. I miss feeling good from working out. I will have to find a way to budget and get the gym back in my life.... I don't do nearly so well on my own.

Anyway.... good health begins again TODAY! Say a prayer for me!