Hubby and I had a great conversation about basic resilience this week. Recently I have lost patience with my sister who says things like "Well, if mom were here...."
For me, I can not live life this way. I can not consider the possibility of "if mom were here" because it makes her loss the focus of my life. I can't think about how she'd help me out in this situation or that because it distracts me from the problem solving that I must do now. How can I get through the task if I think about how much easier it would be with my mom's help? I often think about what she would think or say, but I simply can not consider what she would do to help us or what it would be like to have her here still. I can't have my mom here, so I can't consider it (other than to smile at the things I know would make her smile).
I also look at chronic pain this way. I was in my auto accident in 2001. My life was changed forever. I have never had a painless day since the accident. If I stop and say "Wow, imagine what my life would be without pain" then I'll struggle to get through my life with the pain. The pain is a constant, imagining life without it does me no good since I must live my life with it. If I moan and groan and say "Oh poor me" then I will not live my life to my full potential. Living this way I could never enjoy the moment I have right now. If I consider what it would be like I then must mourn for something I can't have. Why not celebrate what I DO have instead?
Am I crazy? Perhaps this is what resilience is all about? If you celebrate the now, embrace the possibilities, and move on from the impossibilities, I have to believe you live a happier life. I don't have time to be bitter. I can grieve, I can miss my mom, but I can not entertain what I can't have. I can celebrate what I had and be grateful I had it. I can live with my pain as long as I don't consider the possibility of living without it.
I wish this strength of will worked for my diet.
3 comments:
First, that I loved that you had such a great conversation with your husband. What a great support for you.
Secondly, I agree with you whole heartedly, you can't change the things that have happened. Dwelling on what if's stop you from moving forward and enjoying all the positive things in your current live. You have a great attitude and view the future with great hope and endless possibilities. What a wonderful way to look at the world.
Now if we both can get this idea to move over to our diet, we'd hit the jackpot. I'm walking right along side you with this goal.
So good to hear from you.
XXXXXXXX
You GO, girl! Thanks so much for sharing your heart. yes, sometimes it's easier to move on, but it's not always as easy as that somedays, dagnammit! i wish it was. Aim high and go for it. You've got to set your own boundaries with your sisters and family where your mum is concerned, because they can't life your life for you.
Dagnammit, it must be great having a hubby you can sit down and dialogue stuff like that with. i wish i havd a life-partner i could do that with thesedays... I used to adore that part of my marriage, and i really miss it. Oh well, such is life.
Cyalayta
Mal :)
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