No Greater Joy

There is no greater joy than teaching. Sure, the hours are long (especially for high school English teachers), but the rewards are plentiful. I am so glad to be a 2nd career teacher. I am so grateful for the students that I spent time with on a daily basis. There is something unbelievably wonderful about witnessing growth over time. There is something amazing in watching your freshmen become sophomores.... not to mention watching your seniors graduate!

My 2nd year of teaching is complete and I'm so very grateful. It took 7 years of night classes to get my certification, but it was well worth it. In a time when teachers are demonized I still can't help but be grateful. Sure, the pay stinks. Sure, my benefits are cut. Sure, my hours are long and I have to work a summer job to get by... but it is worth it. I have joy on a daily basis in my classroom. I love to support the students who just need someone to believe in them. I love to watch them experience the joy of success. No other job has given me such joy.

What a gift they are to me. I am so very grateful!

As I age...

I realize what is important. I don't really care about how I look or what people think of me. I care about what I can do, what I can control, how I can make a difference.

I don't care if I'm fat. I don't care if my students think I'm fair because I KNOW that I am more than fair; I am merciful. I realize what truly matters is being able to live with the decisions that I make. I realize that helping a single student secure a sense of accomplishment is well worth the BS that can bring me down.

My students are important, but I realize that what is most important is my relationships with my children. My home must be a refuge and place of peace. Hubby will learn this too... he has not suffered enough to get this yet. Better that he not understand; better that he not be forced to crave peace. Better that he not know that desperation for one area of life to be safe...

I know am I not alone. I know it will get better. I hope my body can keep up with my spirit.... I can do this. I know I can. Why is my blood pressure so high? Why can't I lose the extra weight? Please, let me be all that I want to be.... please let my body withstand and thrive as I tackle these challenges.

I've been more than 3 days without a cigarette. I wish I'd never picked one up. Darn if it didn't help me cope though.... Perhaps by conquering this nasty habit (restarted in June) I can get control of my eating and my life....

I wonder if these bad habits are crutches we are given to help us limp through the crazy tough times? I forgive myself though I hate to admit this fault... a girl can only do her best. A crutch in the storm is not so bad... It would be nice if the storm passed.... I must get stronger so that I do not need crutches.

More than 4 days without a cigarette.... I am proud. Pray that I can conquer this and my weight. I want to make a difference in this world before I leave it....

Fall

I love the fall. There is something wonderful about the many colors painted upon the leaves of the trees.... I love the orange, yellow, and especially the RED. I love the crispness of the air and the apple cider. I love the pumpkin muffins and the sound of the marching band approaching the football field. The cheers from the crowd during the football game can not help but make me feel excited. The smell of a bonfire or burning leaves fills the air and the sunsets can not be beat... ah the wonder of yet another change of season...

Some may mourn the end of summer but I revel in the birth of the fall... sure, I dread the winter... but if you live in the now the fall can not be beat!!!! I better get out there and take some pictures....

Comfort

As the summer ends I know I need to wrap up my medical stuff. I need to have a D&C for some female issue I have been having. I'm not excited.... I am not freaked out, but I just can't stand the thought of possibly being laid up as I get ready for school... I find comfort in looking at the picture my mom gave my daughter... "Light of the World" is a wonderful memory and reminder of my mom (click the link for the back story).

I love this picture. I bought one for my dad. I bought one for my god daughter. I got one for my sister and one for my brother. I got one for me too (for when my daughter moves out some day and takes the original with her).

Faith is a gift and this picture is a symbol of faith that brings me great comfort. I need to stay in touch with my faith and let it comfort me. There are so many beautiful things in this world... I need to enjoy them and not sweat the details (as I tend to do).

I need to remember to hang onto my faith and not just when I'm stressed. My best friend is going through some crazy bad times... I admit it, her life raises my blood pressure. I wish life happened the way that it is supposed to and that good people would not be victimized by bad people. Ugh.

$ is still an issue... but at least hubby and I are still holding down jobs. In my state's economy this is major. It is hard to see the foreclosures everywhere. I wish we could refinance at a lower rate but our payment history is not perfect so I'm afraid to even try. Ah the joys of a family business that went under and the legacy of trying to keep it going. Oh well. There are worse things!

We are enjoying the puppy and are trying to be dog whisperers to our existing dogs. Things seem to be improving now that we have decided to lead our pack. Life is good -- I need to learn not to have such angst and to enjoy the NOW.

May positive thoughts breed positive results!

July

Happiness is making dinner for the family and having the time to eat together. Happiness is also a snugly puppy! It has been so hectic this past year (you can tell by the lack of time spent blogging!).

I am happy to report that life is good. Hubby is narrowing down his 2nd career choices again so this makes me happy. I want him to love his job and not just tolerate it. He will be taking a class this fall -- YAY! Wonder boy is in a happy place as is Super Girl -- they are loving lazy summer days.... wish they were more motivated but we will get there (I hope!).

The pugs are happy and healthy and I picked up another rescue pup -- perhaps she is a fox terrier? Not sure. She is tiny, cute, and sweet!

My best friend's divorce and property settlement are finally final!

I'm working for the family business in the summer to make ends meet (another blessing!).

Dad is much healthier - what a blessing that we still have him! We have come so far from last year (pretend I linked it, I'm in a lazy mood and so I hope you forgive me). The nieces and nephews are doing well.

Things are really crazy hectic between family, 2 jobs, etc. etc. etc..... but I like a hectic life.

September will be the next mammogram. I had another sleep study and needed cpap adjustments so I'm hoping to sleep better soon! I swear it has been a festival of doctor visits (don't put them off, it sucks when they pile up). I had a good ultrasound and now get to have a D&C due to crazy periods. Lets just say nobody needs 2 weeks of this kind of joy. It's a bitch getting old :-)

The blood pressure is still too high so I'm having to be a low salt person now. 2200 mg per day? Really? Pain is bad, I think losing weight would help... so I'm eating salad again. Need to lose weight to help pain and blood pressure. My doctor scolded me to work the plan... I know what to do and just need to do it. It stinks when you know what you should do and just struggle to DO IT. I wish I didn't love food.

My goals for the rest of the summer are: vacation time with the kids (a week and a long weekend), declutter the house, lesson plan September and November, get that D&C, get new glasses, clean out closets, housebreak the puppy, read a book for pleasure, paint a picture (I don't paint :), do some professional development for school, read ahead for the class I'm taking this fall, get together with friends.

Why is the summer passing so fast???

Yay!

As the school year comes to a close, I realize that it was a good first year.

There are no words to describe a student discovering his or her own talent.... there are no words to describe the joy of helping a student understand the importance of tolerance of individuals or ideas they did not previously understand.... there are no words to describe the joy of being privileged enough to watch the growth of my students through their first year of high school. I wonder if they will ever realize how much they helped me grow.

Sure, some of them scammed me. Surely I did not catch every act of plagiarism.... but I will be better at that next year... I've learned SO much!!! I'm in the final push of grading and I'm so grateful for all that I have learned. Hopefully my students learned too!

Other news:
- Doctor appointment next week on the lump / abnormal mammogram issue. I'm asking for an MRI. I hate not knowing my issues.
- My sister still has a controlling hubby - nothing seems to be escalating so I guess I'll keep holding my tongue and doing that watchful waiting thing.....
- My best friend is suffering through an ugly break up.... what kind of man takes a fuse from the woman's vehicle so the air conditioning does not work? Really? Is it necessary to be that evil? Well played. Too bad she outclasses him 7 days a week. This too shall pass.
- Dad is healthier now and we are grateful!
- Bonnie and Clyde (my kids) have gotten away with murder this year but have improved grades as of late! YAY!
- Keeping all the balls in the air is difficult... I'm looking forward to the summer 9-5 job.... autopilot is beautiful thing to be on.....

Teaching

I'm neglecting my blog because I'm focused on the children. My own and my STUDENTS! Thanks for celebrating my accomplishment of securing a teaching gig! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my students. High schoolers rock! It is wonderful to be in the classroom and to share moments with my students. I love watching their eyes light up and hearing their thoughts. All of my energy is focused on the kids right now (that and getting in all of my required hours of professional development). I never know I could learn so many names so fast. I need to ensure I get enough sleep and eat lunch so that my brain works and I can REMEMBER the names I knew just last week! Interesting how sometimes it is so easy and other times so hard!!!!

I'm lucky my students are patient with me. Class sizes are around 35 -- multiply that by each hour of the day and you have a TON of names to learn.

Year one is all about hunting and gathering what you need to teach. Who know this was the challenge. Luckily classroom management is only an issue 5th hour. The rest of my hours are relatively under control. 5th hour is like wrestling a greased pig. I'm not certain I'm always winning over their minds... but I'm making progress on their hearts!

Dad is starting radiation for the prostate cancer. So far so good.

Hubby is supportive during this transition. He rocks.

More soon! Yay teaching!

New learning is a blast -- why does it make me so tired!!???

Celebrate!

I can't remember the last time I had BIG GOOD NEWS! But here it is.... I'm a real teacher!!! Sure, I got my certification in the spring of '08, but the fall of '09 is when I got my first FULL TIME teaching gig! I'm so excited! I'll be teaching high school this fall! As one door closes another opens... I'm so exited to finally be walking through this door. I have worked many years to get here. I started back to school 8 years ago! Slow and steady wins the race!

I have to admit it, it has not really sunk in for me yet. What is a joy for me is watching the reactions of those who have walked on this journey with me. So many have known me as I've returned to school. Taking classes while raising a family and working full time is NOT puppy chow. I have had many support and cheer me on. This has been a challenge. I can't wait though!

How wonderful to know that in a few short weeks I will be doing what I LOVE! Wish me luck -- I'm a teaching now and the challenge is just beginning!

Life is good!

Already July?

The pain has been terrible lately. It is amazing how much you deny and for how long, but in the end you pay when you don't do that which you know you must do to take care of yourself.

I have overdone it for too long and the crash hit me. I'm struggling mightily at the moment, but I am pretty grateful that I've hit a point where I can enjoy the down time provided when the crash hits.

Now to work my way out of the ditch. Time to eat right, exercise, slow down, exercise (again), relax, self limit and restore. I'm going on vacation next week. It is much needed. I can't wait to curl up with another good book. Something about this Twilight series makes it a page turner. It is nice to read something that isn't super graphic.... I like to read books before I see the story in a movie because I feel like my imagination is hindered by the director's vision. When I read the book after the movie I compare the text to the film and my imagination is limited to the physicality of the actors or special effects. My imagination is better than what can be captured on film. Is it just me?

Updates:
-Dad is doing well, still weak but improving.
- Wonder Boy and Super Girl are having a wonderful summer. I need to work on math review more.... perhaps this week?
- Hubby is looking at classes for this fall! YAY!
- Grad school is kicking my ass. I'm taking the stopper class in my program. I understand why people stop but I will make it.
- LOTS of computer issues -- hard to handle thermal events... glad for back ups.
- My very best friend is close to finishing divorce arbitration. I think I need to get busy writing the book for her... the madness astounds me.
- Dad is opting toward radiation vs. surgery for that pesky prostate cancer. A better option in light of his recent surgical nightmares.
- Still not comprehending what the hold up is with my brother getting driving again... ready for him to be able to take some of the workload off of me.
- Interesting that memory is coming back lately... I still have major gaps due to my stroke in 2002, but it is interesting to start to have some of my learning abilities return now that I'm more challenged by this graduate program.

I really enjoyed my nieces and nephews recently. Can I just say that I'm jealous of the stay at home mom club? I know you work your butts off... but I'm jealous of your job!! the 10+ year gap between my kids and this flock of babies makes me feel like a grandparent.... it is wonderful to enjoy the babies of others.

This N That.

Update: My dad is doing much better now. He conquered C-diff and is on the mend from the aortal aneurysm surgery. What a surgery, what a recovery! Thanks for the prayers.

My inlaws have gotten out from under their big fat hairy mortgage by selling the house they built. They have purchased and are slightly renovating a more reasonable home. If only they had stayed in their original home. That mortgage had almost been paid off.... the upside is that they were able to get enough from the one home to buy this other house (a foreclosure, amazing how much property you can get these days). They have a huge yard that I would plant a monster garden in... that's just me though. I'm all about planting vs. buying! Call me cheap....

The kids are FINALLY out of school. I'm loving having nightly bonfires in the fire pit. What a great thing.

School is kicking my butt.... apparently I'm taking the stopper class of the program. Ugh. Must make it through.... must stop being an academic perfectionist.

Work is hectic, my pain is pretty bad (hence the lag in posts). But, I'm happy. I'm grateful my dad is better and that I've got great kids. But why is it that Super Girl likes to wear her sweat shirt hoods so that she looks like the Unibomber? I have made a no unibomber in the house rule.

I just wish Hubby could pick his career goal.... he is working a job, not a career. He knows he needs to go back to school but is paralyzed by the daunting task at hand. I get it, but time to move on!!

There is nothing better than a swing in the summer time.....

Resilience

Hubby and I had a great conversation about basic resilience this week. Recently I have lost patience with my sister who says things like "Well, if mom were here...."

For me, I can not live life this way. I can not consider the possibility of "if mom were here" because it makes her loss the focus of my life. I can't think about how she'd help me out in this situation or that because it distracts me from the problem solving that I must do now. How can I get through the task if I think about how much easier it would be with my mom's help? I often think about what she would think or say, but I simply can not consider what she would do to help us or what it would be like to have her here still. I can't have my mom here, so I can't consider it (other than to smile at the things I know would make her smile).

I also look at chronic pain this way. I was in my auto accident in 2001. My life was changed forever. I have never had a painless day since the accident. If I stop and say "Wow, imagine what my life would be without pain" then I'll struggle to get through my life with the pain. The pain is a constant, imagining life without it does me no good since I must live my life with it. If I moan and groan and say "Oh poor me" then I will not live my life to my full potential. Living this way I could never enjoy the moment I have right now. If I consider what it would be like I then must mourn for something I can't have. Why not celebrate what I DO have instead?

Am I crazy? Perhaps this is what resilience is all about? If you celebrate the now, embrace the possibilities, and move on from the impossibilities, I have to believe you live a happier life. I don't have time to be bitter. I can grieve, I can miss my mom, but I can not entertain what I can't have. I can celebrate what I had and be grateful I had it. I can live with my pain as long as I don't consider the possibility of living without it.

I wish this strength of will worked for my diet.

Healing

My dad really has turned the corner! I'm so glad that he can stay home alone now.

Between you and I, I will admit it. It is amazing how hard it is to be a caregiver on top of my normal crazy life. Surviving this, my kids, my work, starting grad school.... it has been a LOT to digest and survive.

It also is funny how you see people for who they are when they are given the opportunity to rise to the challenge. I have more respect that ever for my older brother. I have less respect that ever before for my brother inlaw (who was not supportive to my sister -- hello.... he expected her to have his dinner ready when he got home during this madness? What about taking something off her plate for once?).

I am relieved tonight that my kids are at sleepovers tonight.

I have an evening with responsibility to nobody... I don't even know how to relax anymore.

May a good night's rest be healing to both body and mind.... stress and worry sure do take a toll. I'm grateful that we made it through this storm... it was a hell of a ride.

Off to snuggle with my new baby (okay she is 5) girl pug. What fun.

c-diff

Live and learn. I had thought my dad's surgery was the big hurdle to leap. Silly me! The hurdle is this crazy illness called "C-diff." Who knew you could be recovering from an insanely major AAA surgery (with more than a few complications) just to learn that the real challenge is diarrhea. Again, silly me! Live and learn.

Dad is home and we are caring for him there. It is interesting trying to organize your siblings when you are the 3rd born of 4. Whatever.... I will try not to take this personally. You can try to make a chart for people to sign up for times, but you can't make them organize their lives. I do my best, but there comes a time when I only have so much left. I know this too shall pass so I'm trying really hard not to go off on anyone. It is hard when your siblings don't get it that you too are sacrificing but that you won't make it look that way in front of dad. Hello, he does not need more to worry about! Our job is to make this look easy to him! DUH!

Should be an interesting conversation tomorrow with one particular sibling. I need to be calm when I advise this person that is is our JOB to make this look easy to dad. DUH! Wish me luck!

WOW!

It has been way too long since I have blogged! What a time it has been. My last post gave a summary of the issues and complications my dad faced with his recent hospitalization with an AAA. I am thrilled to report he is back on track and AT HOME!

My siblings and I are there 24/7 and it is very tiring. I'm the only one without a baby or toddler, so I've done more overnights. You can't exactly sleep with a cpap machine and be able to hear the monitor go off, so... I've been napping on my overnights without decent sleep. Hence sleep deprivation, hence inability to post. Just can't focus to put words together.

Anyway, back to my dad... he is tired, lacks appetite, has c-diff, and hurts. According to the vascular surgeon this means that other than the c-diff he is right on track! Yay dad!

I'm somewhat ruined from 3 weeks of lack of sleep. My mom passed on Holy Saturday so Holy Week is always hard for me to get through. Other than that.... life is good! We are blessed Dad survived. We are blessed he is home. I have grown to appreciate and adore him throughout his valiant recovery. He is amazing! I'm glad to have gotten so much closer with him during this time. He is a gift to us and I admire his bullet dodging abilities!

Hope life is treating you well. Comment and tell me what is new.. I've been WAY out of touch! I have tomorrow off work and caregiving... just need to catch up on school and I can rest. Yay rest!

Waking up!

Dad woke up today! He is on the slow road to recovery here on day 8 in the surgical intensive care unit. Today he is FINALLY off the ventilator.

Sorry for not posting updates since Monday (thanks for the gentle reminder Pamela -- your comment in my email provoked this post and I am glad as I will not remember the details a week from now). I've been living at the ICU. Dad has been busy. For those tuning in late, had a scheduled surgical repair (open repair no less) of an abdominal arotic aneurysm. Complications we have experience this week included:

• Impaired kidney function (very slow to return but returning none the less!),
  
• Pneumonia, not severe (what do you expect after a week on a ventilator?),
  
• Heart arrhythmia (that stunk, it is really hard to watch a sleeping person having a heart rate of 140+ bests per minute, because it was AFib they could shock him to get the rhythm back, it eventually worked -- I don't remember how many times he got shocked, I left the room though and watched the heart rate on the monitor)
• Antibiotic induced C-Diff (avoid this if you can, it is nasty but curable)
• Some need for insulin due to sugar issues (typical after major surgery)
• Blood transfusions have been needed, but only 2 I think -- pretty cool that they can recycle your own blood lost during surgery, he bot 2 bonus units on top of this but that's okay.
• A minor MI (who knows when that happened between the surgery, a-fib, shocks, and recovery he slipped a minor heart attack in there somewhere. No major damage apparently).
  

Here is what I can say. ICU nurses and doctors are AMAZING. I appreciate them beyond words. These people work miracles on a daily basis. They like cookies too -- I'm not above bribery!

Lights in the darkness:
- Dad recognized me today.
- Dad told me he loved me too.
- Dad wanted a diet pepsi but settled for the ice chips offered without complaint.
- My older brother and I have become closer through this challenge.
- I'm blessed with a Hubby who supports me so I can be with my dad
- I have had 3 separate meals provided by friends this week -- this is a simple mercy that brings comfort and joy to a tired mom!
- My faith is stronger through the struggles as prayer brings me the comfort and strength I need.

It has been a crazy rough week. Comments and encouragement have given me needed strength. Thank you for the good thoughts and prayers!!!! I am blessed and grateful. Dad is slowly coming back... every day going forward is a bonus. I have also advised everyone close to me that if I EVER have this major of a surgery that I would like HEAVY sedation! I will be sure to tell my dad after all of this that it was I who looked out for his comfort! ;-)

Monday

I am grateful that we have made it this far. Dad has suffered several major complications with his surgery and so we have basically been living at the hospital. He doesn't know we are there, but I think it helps anyway. I am very tired. Sitting on a basic folding chair and worrying really takes it out of you! I try not to worry, but when you have already suffered the loss of a parent it is hard not to fear even more the the other. Then I feel selfish wanting him to stay when I think of how nice it will be for him to reunite with my mom on the other side. I see how lonely he is without her. His life is full with friends and grandchildren, but the is nothing or nobody who can replace my mom for him (or us!).

He went into this a fighter so I'm not second guessing him. I am just trying to prepare myself a little since it has been terribly dicey these last few days. It will be a very long road to recovery for him. He might be conscious tomorrow. Hopefully he will be comfortable. It is so hard to see him suffer like this. It is easier when he is sedated and sleeping through the worst of it. I never like to wish my life away, but I sure will be happy for him when he is suffering less with a few more weeks of recovering under his belt.

More later.... to tired to write more now.

Baby

It is amazing to be able to meet the baby who is less than a week old... it is more amazing to remember when my children were this small. Where did the time go? What a wonderful blessing; I am so happy for my friend!

Today...

Today I am glad. My dad and I went for his pre operative visit at the hospital. He continues to allow me the privilege of being his medical advocate. As we go through this experience together I know it draws us closer. He sees who I am now. I see who he is, and admire him all the more.

We joke as we drive to the appointment. We talk about nothing and I chatter on about the mundane. The elephant in the room is fear... fear that SuperMan may not make it through this next battle. The nurse practitioner takes his medical history and he and I joke -- we don't tend to do the whole "scheduled operation" thing. We tend to get hospitalized in a crisis. We both giggle at how much more relaxed a scheduled surgery is... one more thing to cross of the checklist of things to do this week... But really we know. It is not just one more thing. We are both scared.

I pledge to be his personal assistant. We talk about what day is garbage day and what mail he would like me to bring to him in the hospital. He and I discuss the list of who I'll call with the medical recap when he is out of surgery. We kind of have a phone chain still from when my mother battled cancer. We plan to reactivate the chain to save time (and emotional wear and tear on me).

We joke with the nurse practitioner about what pain medications we think are good -- Dad and I both like morphine for pain and she says they have even better stuff now. GOOD! Dad does not need to suffer!

The hard part is when he tells me where stuff is "just in case." I will take in his daily mail and his coming home bag is in the kitchen. He makes me promise not to freak out, but tells me the appropriate suite will be hanging in his room -- just in case. Funny how you think of these things when you have experienced loss. I can't blame him, I would have picked out a suit too were I in his shoes. Just then a delivery truck almost runs a light and hits us. I was in the death seat so I joked about how I would prefer to be buried in a turtle neck. "I like turtle necks."

He laughs. I smile and then tell him I understand about the suit, I had the same thoughts when I had my minor heart surgery a few years back. He is relieved that I get it. I am sad that he knows what would be hard for us, and is planning even now how he can make it easier. It is great, do not get me wrong, that he plans. It is just sad that he knows. The elephant in the room is my mom... it will be 4 years this month.

As I exit his car he thanks me for going on these appointments with him. He likes to have the 2nd set of ears. I thank him for tolerating me... I can be obsessive on health stuff. I am grateful he is my dad and that he allows me the privilege of being there for him now. I am grateful that I'm the only child in our family without an infant or toddler... it only makes sense that I step into the caregiver role. Little do they (my siblings) know that it brings me SUCH comfort to have this time with just me and Dad. It is a gift to me. I ask for your continued prayers... I would love to keep SuperMan here longer... there are so many of us yet he can save!

His Grandchildren

I watched as he gazed upon his grandchildren. His four children have begot eight children... and now he has EIGHT grandchildren. There were only four on this earth when his wife passed. How did four more blessings appear in just 4 years? The most recent addition to the family was baptized in the very same gown each of his children wore on their baptism days... his wife had worn it too... as had her father. The gown was made from a wedding dress and will soon be 100 years old. What a blessing to have this piece of history. What a blessing to welcome a new baby into our faith. What a gift it is to be raised with faith.

He told me that it was one of the best days he's had recently. He loved watching the older kids (mine) interact with the babies. How fun it was to see them (the almost teens) with the not quite 2 year olds! He said it was the best of days. I know he meant that it was the best day since Mom passed away. He did not have to say it... it was written in his eyes. We took many photos of his eight grandchildren together. It was today that I thought, "Why didn't we ask Dad to get into that photo?" I gave him an 8x10 this morning and his eyes sparkled. I told him the only thing wrong with the picture is that he isn't in it. He disagreed, but I told him we'd remedy the situation at the next family gathering.

I will print the best of the pictures very large. I will have it in his hospital room when he comes out of surgery. His job is to stay with us and enjoy the many more wonderful times with his grandchildren. I pray he stays... there are many wonderful memories yet to be made with this band of cousins. I love being the fly on the wall who has the older kids and who can appreciate the wonder of the babies. I don't take it for granted -- each stage passes so quickly... This must be similar to what it is like to be a grandparent. I am grateful for these moments. I will let the giggles sink into me and sustain me through the difficult times. We are so blessed!

Wow!

Time sure is flying!

I'll admit it -- I see the difference between grad school and undergraduate... More is required (as it should be...) I simply may have to do this one class at a time vs. two.... there is a fine line between what is worth working on and what is taking too much of my time (as a working mom of two!). I like how this program is making me think. I hope all of the professors are as good as the one I have now.

My baby turns 12 this coming weekend.... how did Wonder Boy get this old? He is still a snugly loving boy... though he is sometimes too cool to deal with Mom. I am sometimes grateful that he understand and appreciates sarcasm... and then again sometimes not. Wish I didn't have to host the family party with my inlaws for the Febrary birthdays... must clean the house this week and I'm a bit tired to jump into that!!!

I went with Dad today and met with the vascular surgeon who will be repairing his Triple A (abdominal aortic aneurysm). This is round two (first surgery for the leaking ruptured AAA was just 6 years ago... at the time they could not do a full replacement as this was an emergency surgery). Lucky Dad! He gets to do this again! The upside is that he is scheduled to have the surgery a month from now... it will not be an emergency room drama this time.

Upon recovery we will then schedule the prostate surgery to remove the prostate due to the cancer. Again -- this is not a panic as it was caught early. You simply have to prioritize and the prostate is less life threatening than the AAA. I understand the term "sandwich generation" more than I could have appreciated previously.

Tomorrow I will testify in my best friend's divorce. The case is in arbitration. I hope my testimony makes a difference... I feel horrible for her kids and fear for her... her husband is an obsessive controlling stalker... perhaps we can be rich if we right the story of this divorce up as a Lifetime movie... we (my friend and I) could use the income!

Wonder Boy is doing much better in school. Medication was the right decision. I am thrilled to report he is happy and doing MUCH better in school.

Super Girl has not wanted to attend the last two school dances. She seems happy and has friends who attend but she does not want to participate. I'm at a loss to find out why she "doesn't feel like going." I hope all is well... I will keep checking in and listening... middle school was one of the worst times of my life... but as of yet she does not seem to want to share...

Hubby is attending classes & is still employed despite the horrible economy! He is better on the depression front and is not too annoyed with me... I've been studying scripture and my faith. I realize that can be annoying for those who are not into it at this moment... All I know is that when I study the details of WHY Catholics believe this or that.. a LOT seems to make sense to me. I don't get ALL of it... but WOW am I growing a lot the more I read and research. We Catholics do not tend to read scripture... it is interesting to read and listen to converts. They appreciate and bring so much to my understanding of the faith in which I was brought up. Reading daily scripture seems to keep me much more centered on who I want to be vs. who I am. I have more patience to be the person I want to be... I think this is due to the effort I'm putting into what I read.

I wish I had more time to blog as of late... there are so many thoughts percolating in my mind!! Often it is in writing that I truly digest what is cooking in my mind.... I hope to post again soon but cannot promise this week... perhaps next? Thanks for hanging in there with me, cheering for us.. and praying for us! While we face some big challenges I find that I'm calmer than I would have been in the past. Faith helps.. optimism is not without a source.

It is cold and I'm looking forward to spring...