Fall

I love the fall. There is something wonderful about the many colors painted upon the leaves of the trees.... I love the orange, yellow, and especially the RED. I love the crispness of the air and the apple cider. I love the pumpkin muffins and the sound of the marching band approaching the football field. The cheers from the crowd during the football game can not help but make me feel excited. The smell of a bonfire or burning leaves fills the air and the sunsets can not be beat... ah the wonder of yet another change of season...

Some may mourn the end of summer but I revel in the birth of the fall... sure, I dread the winter... but if you live in the now the fall can not be beat!!!! I better get out there and take some pictures....

Teaching

I'm neglecting my blog because I'm focused on the children. My own and my STUDENTS! Thanks for celebrating my accomplishment of securing a teaching gig! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my students. High schoolers rock! It is wonderful to be in the classroom and to share moments with my students. I love watching their eyes light up and hearing their thoughts. All of my energy is focused on the kids right now (that and getting in all of my required hours of professional development). I never know I could learn so many names so fast. I need to ensure I get enough sleep and eat lunch so that my brain works and I can REMEMBER the names I knew just last week! Interesting how sometimes it is so easy and other times so hard!!!!

I'm lucky my students are patient with me. Class sizes are around 35 -- multiply that by each hour of the day and you have a TON of names to learn.

Year one is all about hunting and gathering what you need to teach. Who know this was the challenge. Luckily classroom management is only an issue 5th hour. The rest of my hours are relatively under control. 5th hour is like wrestling a greased pig. I'm not certain I'm always winning over their minds... but I'm making progress on their hearts!

Dad is starting radiation for the prostate cancer. So far so good.

Hubby is supportive during this transition. He rocks.

More soon! Yay teaching!

New learning is a blast -- why does it make me so tired!!???

Celebrate!

I can't remember the last time I had BIG GOOD NEWS! But here it is.... I'm a real teacher!!! Sure, I got my certification in the spring of '08, but the fall of '09 is when I got my first FULL TIME teaching gig! I'm so excited! I'll be teaching high school this fall! As one door closes another opens... I'm so exited to finally be walking through this door. I have worked many years to get here. I started back to school 8 years ago! Slow and steady wins the race!

I have to admit it, it has not really sunk in for me yet. What is a joy for me is watching the reactions of those who have walked on this journey with me. So many have known me as I've returned to school. Taking classes while raising a family and working full time is NOT puppy chow. I have had many support and cheer me on. This has been a challenge. I can't wait though!

How wonderful to know that in a few short weeks I will be doing what I LOVE! Wish me luck -- I'm a teaching now and the challenge is just beginning!

Life is good!

Healing

My dad really has turned the corner! I'm so glad that he can stay home alone now.

Between you and I, I will admit it. It is amazing how hard it is to be a caregiver on top of my normal crazy life. Surviving this, my kids, my work, starting grad school.... it has been a LOT to digest and survive.

It also is funny how you see people for who they are when they are given the opportunity to rise to the challenge. I have more respect that ever for my older brother. I have less respect that ever before for my brother inlaw (who was not supportive to my sister -- hello.... he expected her to have his dinner ready when he got home during this madness? What about taking something off her plate for once?).

I am relieved tonight that my kids are at sleepovers tonight.

I have an evening with responsibility to nobody... I don't even know how to relax anymore.

May a good night's rest be healing to both body and mind.... stress and worry sure do take a toll. I'm grateful that we made it through this storm... it was a hell of a ride.

Off to snuggle with my new baby (okay she is 5) girl pug. What fun.

His Grandchildren

I watched as he gazed upon his grandchildren. His four children have begot eight children... and now he has EIGHT grandchildren. There were only four on this earth when his wife passed. How did four more blessings appear in just 4 years? The most recent addition to the family was baptized in the very same gown each of his children wore on their baptism days... his wife had worn it too... as had her father. The gown was made from a wedding dress and will soon be 100 years old. What a blessing to have this piece of history. What a blessing to welcome a new baby into our faith. What a gift it is to be raised with faith.

He told me that it was one of the best days he's had recently. He loved watching the older kids (mine) interact with the babies. How fun it was to see them (the almost teens) with the not quite 2 year olds! He said it was the best of days. I know he meant that it was the best day since Mom passed away. He did not have to say it... it was written in his eyes. We took many photos of his eight grandchildren together. It was today that I thought, "Why didn't we ask Dad to get into that photo?" I gave him an 8x10 this morning and his eyes sparkled. I told him the only thing wrong with the picture is that he isn't in it. He disagreed, but I told him we'd remedy the situation at the next family gathering.

I will print the best of the pictures very large. I will have it in his hospital room when he comes out of surgery. His job is to stay with us and enjoy the many more wonderful times with his grandchildren. I pray he stays... there are many wonderful memories yet to be made with this band of cousins. I love being the fly on the wall who has the older kids and who can appreciate the wonder of the babies. I don't take it for granted -- each stage passes so quickly... This must be similar to what it is like to be a grandparent. I am grateful for these moments. I will let the giggles sink into me and sustain me through the difficult times. We are so blessed!

Happy New Year!

I hope your holidays have been filled with joy! What is better than a macaroni angel on your tree? Not much! It is hard for me to contemplate taking down our tree.... I will miss the ornaments my children have made...

Tell me you don't think the sand paper gingerbread man isn't THE BEST!

I am so sorry for neglecting my blog... this has been a crazy busy season for me. There are some things going on in the extended family that are weighing on me. My Dad will be having his biopsy in a few weeks -- delayed due to having to get off his meds first. I am also worrying about little brother again.

The fun things have been making cookies with the kids. It is amazing how much fun nieces and nephews can be when you don't have babies yourself! It feels like I have grandkids almost (though two of my child bearing siblings are indeed older than me!). It is fun to play with and enjoy babies again -- and to give them back when they are cranky! I have also been busy decorating and cooking for my dad's holdiay party. I just finished taking down the decorations today. Can I just say that I will do just about ANYTHING for you if you genuinely appreciate me. YAY Dad! Thanks for appreciating my efforts as my siblings slacked this year (mainly because they have babies and I do not).

I'm enjoying monopoly with my tweens.... 3 marathons thus far. I won 2 of three! I like the electronic banking version! (We played with calculators as kids.... maybe someone got them memo?).

Happy New Year!!

Benign!

Benign is such a beautiful word. I have learned that the worrisome spot that I had biopsied is BENIGN! YAY! I was worried because my normally optimistic dermatologist gave me less than super odds.... we play this game, he and I. As he cuts away a small piece of my flesh I act as if I'm not frightened and I ask him what are the odds it is malignant. Typically he will give me a less than 20% chance. Normally he says he is 90% certain that it is nothing. This last time he gave me 50/50. Then he asked if my cell phone number was in the chart. He then got my work and home numbers verified. Sure, I thought... you are not thinking 50/50! You are just being nice and telling me 50/50 so I won't FREAK!

I didn't freak. I waited patiently for my results. It took a week and my dear sweet dermatologist called me in the middle of dinner with the good news. BENIGN! YAY! I feel so blessed! I wish my dad had such relief.... his biopsy will happen in a few weeks. They decided to wait until after the holidays because he has to go off some of his medications. He will have another ultrasound but with a biopsy this time. I'm hoping is is nothing... Prostate cancer runs in families. My dad's brother has gone through 2 rounds of cancer treatment for prostate cancer.

We have 12 inches of snow that accumulated yesterday. It has begun again! Glad my husband handles the clearing of the walk! I had to shovel the back porch, steps, and an area out back yesterday for the dogs.... they couldn't go out until I cleared a path! You should have seen the pug.... she sunk so deep the snow made her pop back up in the air as it touched her pink little belly! The greyhound lept like a gazelle, the pug hopped like a bunny, and the kids and I nearly wet ourselves laughing as we watched them!

Tonight I finished decorating dad's house for the holidays. It is a lot of work but I am always so happy to see the house decorated the way my mom would have done it. My eye is not nearly as good as her's, but I try! I love looking at each ornament as we put them on the tree. My kids laughed as I told them to place my favorites on the FRONT of the tree. Tell me you don't do the same thing? I put the ugly to the back.... and the broken ones can still go up -- just turn it so it isn't noticeable! It is easier to decorate at dad's when he isn't home. Sometimes decorating is like making sausage -- the result is great but you don't want to watch the process!

Hoping you are taking time to enjoy the small wonders of the holiday season! Wishing you and yours the many blessings of the season. I know I enjoy it so much more now that I'm focused on making it nice for my kids and my dad. Funny how life is so much more fun when it isn't about me......

New Nephew

We are blessed!

Holding Hands

The other day I read an interesting article in the newspaper. It was all about holding hands. The article said that a study has shown that holding hands reduces stress. Women were especially affected – heart rates were reduced even when holding the hand of a concerned male stranger. The article went on to say that even pain was reduced when women held the hand of a man – especially one who they had a deep emotional connection to, such as a husband. I marveled aloud to my family, “Can you believe this? WOW!”

Wonder Boy’s response? “Duh Mom, that isn’t news.” Ah, the wisdom of the 11 year old.

Here I was wondering at the simple comfort of hand holding and my son was wondering what was wrong with me that I was so dazzled by this news. Okay, it DOES make sense when you think about it…. but I had not stopped to think about it. I had at times thought about how I missed the hand holding of dating… I missed having Hubby reach for my hand while we walk… I know the love is there, but 15 years of marriage later do we show it publicly? Maybe not so much… We are more so now that we started making the effort to have more dates – time with just us. Amazing how you are more demonstrative when you are not keeping the tweens from arguing with each other.

Later that day we went to church. I had forgotten about the article. My pain was pretty bad… apparently the change of season and excessive driving I’ve been doing has really caught up to me. My chronic pain in my neck, back, arms and hands can be minor or it can be major… lately pain is more than distracting.

As we sat at church listening to the reader, Wonder Boy reached out and took my hand. He held it in both of his hands. My little man warmed my hand with his and I smiled. I looked over at him and felt a surge of happiness. He knew I was in pain (my face shows it even when I don’t say it apparently). He was holding my hand because he wanted me to feel better. He held my hand through most of mass. I squeezed his hand and was so grateful that he is my child. He has such a tenderness and warmth… When you feel this much love it strengthens your faith… How can something as great as love exist by accident?

I felt so blessed to have love in my life. The love for my family and their love for me – these are not things I take for granted.

Even thinking back about this hand holding makes me feel warm and happy. I guess the study is right….

“Duh Mom.”

Yippee!!!!

I'm knocking on 40. The BIG FOUR OH! Yep, I'll be 40 in less than a month. Why am I excited? Because the after school teacher mistook me for being her age. She thought we were the same age! She thought she might even be older than me... SHE'S NOT! She is only 33! Oh yeah, I'm loving life right now :-) Someone thought I was younger than I am by 7+ years. Hello! Life is good!

Just when you are feeling low because you don't get carded at the grocery store (you have to look pretty darn old not to get carded at the grocery store).... YIPPEE! This was better than being carded! YEAH, I've still got it... a little....

I look at this picture from our recent vacation weekend and wonder...
Is Super Girl flat footed? Those are her prints not mine....

Stealing vacation right now...

I will camp with them next year. I will either be working as a teacher (say a prayer please!) or I will push aside my work guilt and make the time for ME.

My work guilt is self inflicted, I work with my family and they never take vacation time so how can I? It is not like they don't put up with me taking time -- I have taken plenty of time off the last 5 years for my schooling to become a teacher. I just have not had much vacation time that is actual vacation time. I LOVE vacation that is vacation. I love spending time making memories. I sneak it in on long weekends. I sneak it in on weeknights and weekends. I steal vacation moments and sneak them into the every day time.... but it is wearing.

I am tired. It is hard to leave work at 5, make memories until 10pm, wind down and regroup until midnight or 1am (or 2am). I can do it, but after several days I am so tired. A girl needs a little sleep. But now is not the time. Now is the time when my kids are still tweens. They will still share long walks and talks. They will laugh with me and at me... and I with them. I am happy when they are happy. They are not yet teens who shun and despise their mom (this is the job of teens, I understand).

This past week was a joy. I enjoyed watching my kids fish and camp. I loved watching them be the big kids who looked after my best friend's little kids. I loved watching them take the lead in the talent show -- and loved watching them enjoy the little ones who made the act with their cuteness and mayhem. Next year I will get my own tent and camp with my kids and my friend. I will stay up late at the camp fire, I will tell ghost stories, I will giggle in the tent, I will wake with them to enjoy morning excercise (okay, maybe that is pushing it a bit.....).

I will take the time.

Time is running out on their childhoods.... they are 11 and 12. Teen years approach and I will enjoy the drama of who likes who. I will keep reminding them to live with kindness and to follow their internal sense of right and wrong. They know. They are smart kids. I will remind them and pray they stay who they are right now. They are kind. They are smart. They are beautiful. They are caring. I am proud of them. I am grateful. I am blessed. I'm sick of wishing I had more time.... I will take the time now and pay it back later.... They are old enough to play cards and have great conversations about life. You don't get 2nd chances to make memories like the ones we made this week. Now to start taking better care of myself so that I'm here to make them for years to come.

Childhood is slipping away... my mom said I would enjoy each phase with my kids more than the last. When they were newborns I didn't want them to grow -- NO, I love THIS stage the best. Mom would say, "Don't worry, you will love the next one even more!" She was right. I have loved each phase more than the last. I love right now a whole lot though!!!
Sometimes it is the best just to listen to the music they are making with their laughter.....

Kids at camp - wish I didn't have to work!

The kids are camping tonight. I miss them but enjoyed the time there with them last night. I will be back for the talent show tomorrow night. What fun!


There is nothing like catching your first fish... and nothing like being there when your kids catch their first fish! No worries, no fish were killed for this post -- all were released back into the wild. They will forever be in our memories though!

Ah the wonders of summer.... Please don't let it end!

The Last Battle

My new nephews hands are a marvel to me. I watched him in his mother's arms yesterday and wondered that my two kids could have ever been that little. How does time pass so quickly? One day they are tiny cooing wonders, the next they are finishing elementary school! My mother promised I would love each stage more than the last -- that is until the teen years (and then she would simply smile).

May I enjoy the teen years with my kids more than all the rest of these previous stages combined. It is so great to talk with them and get their opinions. I just wish that Wonder Boy were more hopeful (he feels global warming will kill us all) and that Super Girl knew phrases besides "Who cares?" and "So?" May I instill caring, optimism and faith -- without these we are lost.

The Last Battle......

The other night my kids asked me to read to them! I savored the moment as I had the pleasure of reading C.S. Lewis' "The Last Battle" from the Chronicles of Narnia. We have read this series aloud together... but as you may know, the last book is darker and harder to get through. Wonder Boy insisted that we get back to family reading nights (YIPPEE! His choice without me pushing!). I was skeptical since I didn't want to continue without Super Girl. She has not been interested and is a tween you know... nothing is cool.

Well, magic happened. EVERYONE was on board to read the last battle together. Previously I'd refused to continue my Oscar worthy reading aloud due to lack of Super Girl's participation. She was on board! I snuggled between them on the couch and we read 2 chapters. I was then asked if we could do a marathon tomorrow. WHAT A WONDERFUL GIFT THIS IS TO ME! (sorry for shouting, I'm excited).

You see, this final book in the chronicles carries home BIG themes from our faith. Great messages for kids are layered on top of each other like the rings of an old tree -- they go on and on. This book series is so timeless and is such a reinforcement of our faith. When my kids get it I feel like less of a failure in their spiritual upbringing. Looking back I could have done better -- I want them to have a stronger base than I've given because my faith has carried me through the worst of times. I just need to get better at attending mass! The rituals of the church bring comfort and strength... may I still instill this as my babies head into their most challenging years of their lives.

I have refused to see the Narnia movies because we have not yet finished reading the series. I didn't want my kids to see the movies because movies are NEVER as good as books. Reading these books together brought back the joy of my experience with them as a child -- by far this is no book series which has ever captured my imagination in the same way. The redemption of all by the sacrifice of one -- how amazing that a writer could take this concept and make it accessible to children through a book series that has a talking lion as a symbol of redemption.

We will finish this last book (not my favorite of the series, but necessary). After that we plan to read on together. This is a huge blessing which I will savor. What a gift that my children still enjoy when I read to them. I am grateful. I can't wait to read with them again...

Happiness

A wonderful blogger is having a bad week (2 funerals and 1 new case of breast cancer) and requested happy news.... we must savor the happy moments. Here is my happy news today:

• Happiness! My new nephew looks like he will be born on my niece's 1st birthday tomorrow (okay, maybe yet tonight? She is dilated to 3).
• My BIL got a job which is great because my sister is expecting and was stressed due to him losing his job.
• My hubby finally got a job (it isn't great but it is better than a kick in the face ;-) He is back on his depression medicine and I just might be seeing a glimmer of himself coming back to me already!
  
• Wonder Boy is at 5th grade camp making memories as I type! He is at the same camp I attended in elementary school -- or was it middle school? ANYWAY... he promised to take pictures with the disposable camera I gave him and that he would have others take at least 1/3 of the pictures so he would be in them too! YAY for Wonder Boy! May his sleep issue take a few days off (yes, still having struggles with the cpap machine).
• David C. won American Idol!!
• Obama seems to be doing well and Hilary has done wonders for proving a woman can make a serious run. I'm not a fan, but I'm proud of her accomplishments!
• Wonder Boy's art (see previous post) was preserved from the rain -- the trees protected it fully. My SIL stopped by tonight and could not believe it. I can't believe it is still there! Here are the works side by side -- not bad work for an 11 year old with side walk chalk!
  

Oh! I forgot to mention that my nephew looks like he will be born on my parent's wedding anniversary -- I believe this is my mother's gift from heaven to my father..... It would have been43 years for them tomorrow. I'm so glad they met!

YIPPEE!!!!!

Whoop! Whoop! HUBBY GOT THE JOB!

Today we celebrate and are SO grateful! Hubby will have a DAY JOB! No more midnights! Yippee! I will once again get to spend time with the love of my life! I am so excited! I have missed him so much!

The gig pays more than the current job and is a day job! He will get a base plus commission (it is a sales job). May his territory be fruitful and may he excel at sales so that we can dig out from this mountain of debt. Worst case scenario he is being paid more and can look for another job while getting great experience at this job. Once things get going he can go back to school at night (I think he'd make a great gym teacher - he is an awesome nurturing coach!).

I'm so grateful.... we have waited a long time for this! THANK YOU for the prayers and good thoughts!! Yay for the new job! Yay for Hubby!
Wonder Boy and I had a special time today as well -- it was the first day of true DANDY glory. (The dandy story is here -- it was wonderful to relive today). Do not tell my sweet darling that dandelions are weeds. "They are beautiful flowers."

Today I drove around town for work and noticed that his favorite flower, the dandylion, was in full bloom. The yellow popped out of the newly green landscape like little rays of sunshine celebrating spring. Wonder Boy has had a rough week... lack of sleep is bringing him down. (We get the results of his sleep study tomorrow -- say a prayer if you can please). He has been grumpy with a capital G........ Really Grumpy.

I called home as I left work to ask if he wanted to take a quick dandy tour. My Wonder Boy is always game for an adventure. He amazes me -- he worries with great anxiety but yet knows how to grab the moment and truly live it if you give him the chance. I have always been that way -- worry deep but have great joy.

We went hunting for the perfect patch of his favorite flowers and found them.... he was in his glory.... I love this moments in time....
I love this family of mine (even though Super Girl did not want to share the dandy glory). Tomorrow's mission is to find something that will make her soak up the glory of the every day...For now, I will be satisfied to celebrate the glory of today....

ENJOY THE BLOOMS!

Journey Done!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (a new one begins!!!!!!!!!!)

I took my last final exam. My last final exam!!! Whoop whoop! Done like dinner! I can not believe it is DONE! I started back in 2001. I had a college degree but wanted to get certified so that I could teach the youth of America. So much has happened since I started back to school.

I was in a terrible car accident the first week of class and was on pain killers for the duration of that semester. I could not believe that I rocked a "A" in both of the classes that I took that semester. How do you make A's when you are basically stoned on pain meds? I would drive to class, take a Vicodin, take notes, have pain pill wear off, drive home.

I was afraid of becoming addicted to pain medicine but I could not carry on at work or home without pain management. My doctor told me to take the medicine and do the physical therapy. It didn't help my pain and I struggled to keep up at work and home. I ended up seeking the help of specialists because I wanted my life back. Apparently, "I want my life back" is a magic phrase that makes doctors want to help you. My boss was understanding and my specialist referred me to a combination program of physical therapy, occupational therapy, and pain management. My mom helped me through this -- she drove me to pick up my kids from daycare after my PT and helped make dinner while I recouped on the couch. I felt like a failure, she told me she admired how I functioned through pain. It was so hard admitting I could not do it all..... (wow, this could take a lot of separate posts to explain).

I went through 3 months of education on dealing with chronic pain. I learned about proper medications (acute pain is medicated differently than chronic pain). I happily gave up the medicine and struggled through to learn how to function despite the pain. Basically it boils down to baby steps and learning your limits. During this time my infrequent migraines became frequent.

Time passed and I kept up the hectic pace of being a student, working mom, pain patient and wife. I tried to keep all the balls in the air with the same flair I had prior to the accident. Needless to say, my blood pressure increased and I ended up having a mini stroke. Apparently I had a congenital heart defect which caused the blood to pool funny in my heart. A clot formed and shot to my hand (hello, ouch!). I had a mini stroke (lost feeling on the right side, vision issues, lost some language but regained it over time). I ended up having minor heart surgery to fix the issue and was good as gold. I continued to take classes throughout these crazy setbacks. Try studying after a stroke! Glad I was taking acting that semester -- needless to say I struggled on the memorization piece!

So the minor heart surgery was a basic miracle in my opinion. It was done out patient! I had a catheter surgery where a device was implanted that served to patch the hole in my heart (there's a hole in the bucket dear Liza dear Liza -- somehow that song goes through my head when I think about the hole in my heart, sorry!). My evil sister deemed the device my "internal jewelry." Clever huh? I had my atrial septal defect corrected. I kept taking classes... one at a time... slow and steady wins the race.

This same year my mother came down with uterine cancer. She had symptoms and sought medical help, but the doctor didn't get the joke and missed the diagnosis. Note to the ladies out there: lower back pain and post menapausal bleeding are issues that NO doctor should dismiss. My mom had medical training -- she didn't assert herself to get a 2nd opinion. PLEASE get a 2nd opinion. She went through radiation and had a radical hysterectomy. She had the best attitude -- she actually convinced us that it was no big deal and that treatment would resolve everything. I kept taking classes.

Next my dad had an aortic aneurysm. It ruptured (slow leak -- thank the Lord!). He lost tons of blood and was VERY lucky that a really smart doctor was lurking in the emergency room that night. He was rushed into surgery and survived! We were told that he beat the odds -- 60% of patient like him do not even make it to the hospital, 50% don't make it through surgery, 50% don't make it through the next 24 hours. It has been 5 years and I'm still blessed to have him! I sat with him in the ICU as doctors came in to see "Superman." They could not believe he had survived. Considering this was 20 years after heart bypass surgery, the man earned some bonus points for this feat -- don't you think? I kept taking classes.

My mother inlaw was in and out of the hospital much of this time. She is a gastric bypass patient gone wrong. (I don't know if the issue was her surgery or her noncompliance). Her suffering and hospitalizations made me a more assertive patient advocate (long stories, maybe I'll expand on this someday...) The sad thing is how much she suffered. The silver lining is that her experiences and my medical training helped me help my mom when the cancer returned. She has gone about 6 months without a hospitalization. Yes, this is a record -- it has been 6 years of madness.

Hubby coached the kids soccer teams for a couple of seasons during this madness. I was his chief assistant and bottle washer -- I learned a ton and had a great time (while working full time and taking classes). I loved it and was sad when he had to give it up due to the family business dying.

My mom's cancer returned and went to the brain in 2005. She was given 6-9 months. We lost her 14 weeks after the vertigo hit. I can not describe the devastation. My world will never be the same. I will always appreciate what I have.... Cancer is cruel. Nobody should suffer a death like that... I miss my mom. I miss her pep talks. I'm not in the fog anymore... but I still miss her every day. If you read any of the last three links you will see that this blog is really my own personal therapy. Who needs counseling when you can purge your feelings onto a blog?

The last 2 years since I lost my mom (and married off my sister!) I took 2-3 classes per semester. It seems that if you accelerate you get done faster! I needed to get done. I need to get teaching and to love my work.

So, since I started back to school my kids went from kindergarten kids to tweens. I lost my mom. I'm lucky my dad is still here. I'm lucky my evil mother inlaw is still here. My Hubby and his father lost our savings on a construction business that was supposed to be passed down to hubby. I've learned to live with chronic pain. I've gained 3 fabulous nieces and an adorable nephew. I've learned to appreciate a beautiful sunset. I can enjoy the now -- I never knew how to do this before....

Since I started back to school (yes, it was fall of 2001), I have come to appreciate how much I have left to learn. I loved taking classes because I always felt I was learning. I LOVED student teaching because I loved my students, the things they taught me, and how rewarding it is to finally teach. I love how I come home from school energized vs. drained. I love how my own kids and I share stories about school. I love teaching and who it makes me become in the classroom and at home. I like the teacher in me. She isn't perfect (far from it!), but she tries really hard and cares a ton.

The journey has been long... I'm so happy that I'm ready to start the next chapter of my life as a teacher. I joked with Hubby today about how I'm now an unemployed teacher! Sure, I work full time, but it is not in my chosen field. I am a teacher! I can't believe I'm finally done. You can tell I don't believe it because even as I reflect back on the journey through this post... I still don't believe I'm DONE! DONE! DONE! Maybe it will sink in this weekend when I'm not writing a paper... or perhaps next week when I'm not driving 40 minutes to class.... I'm relieved.

Life is good. Hubby has a job interview this morning.... may he bring me more good news! Sorry -- this turned out to be a really long post; I just can't believe how much has happened and how much my life has changed since I started back to school.... Yes, there have been challenges, but I'm still standing!

Being done with classes is exciting -- I will force myself to celebrate and savor this moment!

Together 15 Years - The best years ever!

I fell for him the day that I met him. I was fifteen and working at Burger King when he walked into my life. He looked adorable in his kahki pants, green izod shirt, and yellow izod windbreaker. He walked with a slightly jaunty gait -- not quite cocky, but pretty confident. I looked into his eyes and was at a loss for words. He asked me for a job application! I told him I'd be right back and went to the office to get him one. "OhMyGoodness he is so cute we have to hire him!" is what I said to the manager sitting in the office. She laughed. He took the application and sat down and filled it out in the dining room. I stayed around the front counter pretending to clean and trying to look cute. I was not skilled in the art of flirting...

After a few minutes he returned to me with the application. I took it and wished him luck, then I went around the corner to look the application over to see what I could learn about this very cute boy. I was immediately crestfallen to learn that he was SEVEN whole months younger than me. This could never work. Any respectable high school girl knows you can't date a boy who is younger than you -- even if he is super cute. "Alas," I thought, "It is not meant to be." I told the manager how bummed out I was that he was too young to date. She again laughed. Later she called him in for an interview and ended up hiring him. I still thought he was cute and continued to mourn the fact he was not dating material.

The cute boy ended up working the opening shift with me every weekend. I was the drive thru cashier and he worked the broiler, fryers and boards making the food. My prep job was cleaning out and assembling the shake machine. If something was too heavy for me to lift I always asked him to help me. One morning the manager didn't show up to open the restaurant. By this time the cute boy had his drivers license and I did not (my parents were strict, his took him to get his ticket to freedom on his 16th birthday). So on this Sunday morning we all waited outside and tried to entertain ourselves until the manager arrived.

The cute boy decided it would be a good time to teach me to drive and the entire crew was entertained as I learned the finer points of steering and braking while driving around the drive thru at Burger King. I circled and circled, my delinquent friends watched and drank warm beer that one of the guys had left over in his trunk. (Eventually the manager showed up and we went back to work -- I think the drinkers had their most productive day ever).

A year passes and the cute boy became my best friend. We would talk on the phone for hours. We took our breaks and lunches together. We worked the same shifts and he sometimes drove me home -- even though it was way out of his way. I was a senior in high school and he was a junior. Prom time came around and I kept waiting for Mr. Right to walk into my life and sweep me off my feet. I went to an all girls school and he went to an all boys school; we both had spring break at the same time. I was not one of those kids whose parents let her go to Florida for spring break. I was "not responsible enough." They were so right; there was no way I was responsible enough to go off to another state without supervision! How is anyone that young responsible enough? I would have ended up raped or in jail. I'm glad I didn't go to Florida.

I spent spring break working with the cute boy and another cute boy (again too young) at our Burger King. During this time "The Search is Over" by Survivor was quite the radio hit. Each morning we got to listen to the radio before opening to serve breakfast. Each morning I would lament out loud that someday this would be our song when I found my Mr. Right. I said this often to the cute boy and the other cute boy.

One day I was driving home (I finally got my license on my 17th birthday) and "The Search is Over" came on. As it started I suddenly realized that I wanted to take the cute boy to prom. Duh! Why hadn't I thought of this sooner? He was my best friend. He was adorable. He was right in front of my eyes all of this time. I asked him to go with me to prom and we started dating. We dated through college and seven years after our very first date, we walked down the church aisle together after making our vows to each other. We have been married for 15 years this month. That is 22 years together.

The best years of my life are the years that I have spent with the cute boy who is now my Hubby. He makes me a better person than I would be without him; he says I do the same for him. I love him with my heart and soul. Where he is will always be where I want to be. He is still my very best friend. I am grateful for luck I had in finding him so young. I am grateful for our love and our children.

I know we are blessed to be together and I am thankful. We may have struggles and hard times, but we will always have each other. He is my rock and I am happy. When I think of growing old with him it brings me joy.

"Wheresoever he is, there is Eden."

The Big Red Bowl

Once upon a time there was a wonderful Mom who often made popcorn that she put in The Big Red Bowl. She would wait for her 4 kids to go upstairs and when they finally stayed in bed she would start her preparations. She'd get out the metal measuring cup and would melt butter in it on the gas stove. She'd then take out the pan and pop the popcorn -- she was careful not to scorch the pot.

It was an art. Heat the oil first -- just enough to cover the bottom, put in one popcorn kernel, wait for it to pop. The oil wasn't hot enough until that first kernel popped. She would put in more kernels, swish around in oil so all are covered slightly -- not too much oil, not too little. Shake the pan across burner. Shake! Shake! Shake! Halfway through, pour some popcorn into bowl. Pop the rest, dump in The Big Red Bowl before burning. As a little girl I'd listen to the entire process. I'd sniff the air and the wondrous scent of fresh popcorn. When the popping stopped I'd be at the top of the stairs -- waiting. I could hear her pour the butter, shake on the salt, and then stir the popcorn with the knife she'd used for the butter. A fresh batch of goodness in The Big Red Bowl. Waiting.... and she would settle in to the couch.

If you waited for her to have a few bites, you could creep up with a timid smile. "Can I please?" I'd plead. "One handful and then off to bed!" Oh the bliss! I'd reach my hand in to The Big Red Bowl and grab as much as my little hand could clutch. Mom would roll her eyes and sigh. I'd giggle and grab at the kernels falling from my clutches as I scampered off to bed.

Years later my little brother moved out of the house. I visited his apartment and discovered he was now the proud owner of The Big Red Bowl. How did he rank? Why did he get THE BIG RED BOWL? (Picture it, 50's Pyrex, red on the outside, white on the inside. She'd make chicken & rice casserole in it and bake it in the oven -- it was the best!). I could not believe it. How could it be that the bowl was just handed to him? How did he rank? Didn't I get a vote? He could not love that bowl like I did!! Oh the sorrow, why him? Why not me??? I'm not such a bad person....

Being a college student I knew one thing. Everyone has a price. My brother had his. I remember asking what he wanted for it and giving him whatever he asked for -- it was a petty price for The Big Red Bowl! I have no idea what I gave him, it has been many years. All that mattered was that I GOT to have The Big Red Bowl.

Later I married Hubby. He knew of my prized Big Red Bowl. (He had laughed at my negotiations to attain the prize, he loved it that I attained the prize). He knew not to use it -- The Big Red Bowl was too special. The love of my Mom was tied up in that crazy bowl. All that was good about her and my childhood was in that Big Red Bowl. Hubby was afraid to break it -- he knew it was treasured and NEVER used it. A wise man never risks the happiness of his wife. I used it for popcorn and considered it my most valuable possession besides my wedding ring. Silly? Yes. True? Yes.

Years pass, I have 2 kids. My sister (the teacher) started watching them during the summer while I worked. She knew of my love of The Big Red Bowl and avoided using it. She knew it meant so much to me, it was all that was good and pure in childhood. I was teased mercilessly as a kid (I wore glasses and needed braces, need I say more?). My comfort and hero was my Mom. My special time was sneaking out of bed for a quick feast from The Big Red Bowl. One summer day my sister called me in tears. She was practically sobbing. I feared the worst, one of the kids was hurt! No, they were both fine she told me. I was relieved, what else mattered? She went on to tell me that The Big Red Bowl had fallen from the cupboard and smashed to pieces. She was unloading the dishwasher and could not believe it. She was so sorry! I was relieved the kids were okay! I was crushed over that stupid Big Red Bowl.

Mom had often laughed at my love for the Big Red Bowl. My sister was so sorry. I told her immediately that it was okay, accidents happen. But she needed to get rid of it -- because if I saw it, I'd cry. I told her I had to go; I cried when I got off the phone. What the heck was wrong with me? It is just a BOWL for goodness sake! When I got home we agreed not to talk about it. I was embarrassed about my crazy attachment to the Big Red Bowl.

A year passed. Christmas came. My brother's wife got my name in the gift name pick. I open my gift. There are some wonderful long handled spoons and kitchen towels -- I immediately Oooh and Ahhhh. She is laughing at me, everyone is watching. I pull aside the towels and what do I find? A Big Red Bowl! I am in tears! My Mom, Dad, sister, brothers, their wives, and my children are all looking at me and laughing and smiling. They all know the story. They all crack up at my silly joy. My brother's wife got it on ebay from an estate sale. It was the old style Pyrex Big Red Bowl.

My brother's wife had searched and searched garage sales and estate sales after learning about the breakage. She bid crazy money over our agreed upon budget for the Christmas present name pick. She made friends with the seller and told her the story of the Big Red Bowl. As with the first one, this Big Red Bowl symbolized love. Sweet, caring, pure, hopeful, love. To search out a silly thing (that nobody would understand) is simply an act of love. Besides my husband and children, this was the best gift I EVER got. I felt loved. Really loved. My whole family just grinned and giggled as I hugged the Big Red Bowl and my sister inlaw. I hate calling her an inlaw, she is sister! They all knew this gift would thrill me. They all stopped what they were doing to watch me open it. They all shared my joy and smiled with me and my tears.

Every time I use, wash, put away, and see the Big Red Bowl I feel loved. I will never stop using it -- it makes me feel loved. I would be sad if it broken, but I will not rob myself of the utter joy of using it. To remember this joy so very often is a blessing in my life -- if the object of that blessing is broken it doesn't mean the love will be. The memories will still be with me.

A friend of mine asked me if there was an item I owned that was too special to use. It made me thing of The Big Red Bowl. Losing my mom taught me that the item isn't the key -- the feeling you get using it is. I love the feeling I get when I see the NEW Big Red Bowl (it is likely to be at least 40-50 years old). I sure would be sad if I didn't use it and get the almost constant reminder that I am loved. I was loved by my mom, I was loved by my sister, I was loved by my sister inlaw. I was loved by my whole family who knew the gift I was opening and who could not wait to see my face. How cool is it when part of everyone's Christmas joy is sharing your joy?

I keep the bowl close and use it often. To treasure something and NOT use it is too sad for me. I say, wear the expensive perfume that sits on the dresser. Wear the nice outfit even if it isn't a special occasion. Use it, whatever IT is -- trust me, it will work out to make you happy. It does not matter what might happen to that thing that you fear you will break (because it is too precious to use). Live in the now. Enjoy today. Use the treasure. Wear the perfume, jewelry, or outfit. USE the Big Red Bowl. Living in the now will bring you joy.

Life is short, live big.

If you love pyrex.... see here. A site called Pyrex Love -- sweet!!!