Venting about Satan.... Ugh.

It is Saturday night and I'm sitting here pretty hurt. We just got home from Satan's house. I know if I vent about it on my blog I'll be over it quicker, so read on at your own risk.... I'm venting about my mother inlaw Satan, and it won't be pretty.

Hubby and I have been married for 14 years this coming April. We dated for 7 years before we married. We were best friends for a year before we dated. I have known him for 22 of my 38 years. I love him with my heart and soul. He is a good man and a good father. His mom is a bitch.

I was high on her list until I became engaged to her darling son. It is so Freudian it makes me sick. She turned on me the moment we became engaged. She went from fun and friendly to territorial and demanding. I was 24 when Hubby and I married, and I'm sorry to admit it, but I let the mother inlaw push me around a bit. She has the passive aggressive thing down to an art. She was (and is) a master manipulator, and I never saw it coming.

Satan, as I often think of her, is feeling better these days and is in rare form. I have to admit it -- I like her better when she is sick because she is so much more docile. The aggressive shark tendency doesn't stand out when she's sick or recovering from a surgery. Satan likes to bake cakes and throw birthday dinners for people. I have had to go to my Hubby's cousin's birthday parties. No lie, his one cousin has a birthday within 7 days of my birthday. Does she ever include my birthday in any of these millions of celebrations? No. Not ever. I go to every party, for Hubby, for his sisters, for his Aunt, for his aunt's kids. I'm shocked she doesn't have parties for the dogs.

Do I have her birthday at my house nearly every damn year -- even though she has 2 daughters of her own? Yes, I have her birthday party at my house. Do his sister's recognize my birthday? No. Does anyone in his family know I have a birthday? I don't think so. She gives me a token gift for my birthday, but NEVER has the stupid cake and ice cream thing at her house. (Sometimes I look at the token gift as a hint -- such as the time when she gave me luggage. )

I decided long ago that this was NOT a big deal. Why is it a big deal to me now? Well, my sister inlaw is engaged (due to wed next November). So I get the call yesterday. "Are you guys free tomorrow? It's J's birthday and I'm having a thing at my house." What the hell? I thought it was only if you were related by blood that you got to have a thing. J. is the soon to be son inlaw.

WTF? I've held this woman's hand before and AFTER her surgeries. I've washed her naked body in the hospital when the nurses didn't have time for her. I have fed her ice chips on more occasions than I can count. I've spoon fed her soup when she was starved. I have brought her reading material and put lip balm on her cracked lips. I have decorated her hospital room for Christmas. I have baked her favorite damn cookies for her for Christmas every year (even when I had pneumonia). I have helped her write the essay to get the gastric bypass surgery she needed. I have gotten her pain meds when the nurses failed to ring the doctor.

I have gone to her damn house on Christmas Eve every year because I knew it was a big deal to her (when I could have been at the FUN party at my parent's house). I stayed with her on New Year's Eve at the hospital and demanded a doctor as she bled out from surgery (her daughter's were at a great party). By the time I finally got someone to listen to me, she was in dire need of a transfusion -- they gave her 2 units of blood and 2 of plasma that night. I was at the hospital by her bedside for 16 hours that day and came back at 7am the next morning. I have been there for that bitch.

I have smiled and ignored the fact that they ignore my birthday, but now they are going to celebrate J's birthday??? He knocked her daughter up before marriage and we are going to treat him like the second coming and have a party for him??? Again I say, what the f***???

I don't like my mother inlaw (hence the name Satan). I admit that at times I am really angry with her just for being alive (much of her illness has been self inflicted, she is a non compliant patient who does little to preserve her own health). I am angry that my Mom died and she lived. My mom cared for herself and others -- she ate right and exercised. Satan manipulates and makes anyone who doesn't dance to her tune pay. How dare this woman live when my super awesome Mom was killed by cancer?

I admit it, this makes me angry. I'm sorry and I know it is wrong, but I admit it to you out here in blog world. I am mad that Satan lives instead of my Mom. I am REALLY mad that she can still hurt me.

That is what this all boils down to. I am really hurt and really mad that I am hurt. How the hell does she call me with ONE DAY NOTICE to invite us to J's birthday party when she has never celebrated my birth? How can she worship him when I have been there for her through thick and thin?

I sucked it up. I went to the party. I put on a smile and pretended all was well. Everyone gave him cards, sang to him, yada, yada, yada. I like him and am happy for him, but what the hell people? Am I that bad a person that you can't even get me a damn card? Am I that offensive that you can't pick up the phone to even call me to say happy birthday to me?

Hubby thinks Satan is threatened by me because she can't push me around (that ended when I had kids and the evil one put my daughter to sleep on her belly after I had specifically advised her on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and how babies now sleep on their backs or sides). After she messed with the saftey of my baby I was done being pushed around by her sorry ass.

So why am I so hurt? I am hurt deeply. I am mad that I am hurt, so I'm really really angry. My poor husband is bearing the brunt of having to listen to me. What hurts me more is that he said nothing to her tonight. I even told him that I would consider his calling her out or talking to her to be foreplay (oh I even went there, yup, I did, sorry TMI....). He said nothing. He says he will talk to her. I know he will. But it would hurt less if he had talked to her tonight. I would hurt less if he had said to her, "I noticed you are being very welcoming to J. and I think that is great. Do you realize that you've never had a birthday thing for my wife? Not yet in our nearly 14 years of marriage -- what's up with that mom?"

I am so hurt. I am hurt by his family most, but also because my knight in shining armour didn't slay the dragon. I'm glad I didn't marry a hateful man, but just this once I'd like to be there to see him confront her. I would like to see him stand up to her and I'd like to see her pathetic denials. I want her sorry ass to squirm. I want her to feel as uncomfortable as she makes me feel. I want her to think, just for one minute, about the way she treats me. I can't change her, and I don't want to start a war. I just don't like how I feel right now. I hate it that despite the fact that I know she is Satan, she still hurts me.

I don't like that I give her the power to hurt me. I don't like that my Hubby's lack of action makes me angry at him when she is the cause of the problem. I don't like being hurt and I don't like being angry. This just sucks.