Well, he has an appointment. I'm relieved. Depression is such a difficult thing to layer into an already stressful situation. Hubby has been on depression medication for a few months now. I am pushing for a change (increase perhaps?) because the current regimen is simply not effective. He is on a low level antidepressant. I'm frustrated that he is a few weeks away from meeting with the new doctor (vs. being treated by our primary care physician). This battle has been fought for over a year now. Getting him in to the doctor this fall didn't change things as quickly as I'd hoped. He is trying, but he doesn't think to say "Hey, do you think you might want to up my dosage while I wait to get into the new doctor?" This isn't even on his radar and he won't call back to ask the question. THAT is what makes me insane. I'm all about attacking the problem.
I've been depressed -- you HAVE to be aggressive in following up and making changes. Hell, I AM depressed and am attacking the problem! You have to control that which you can control. Baby steps. All those cliches are accurate! I am working on changing my attitude. I've been patient for a few years, but once my patience is gone it isn't usually pretty. I've been very angry at the lack of effort and progress in the recent weeks and months. Any baby steps he takes lately are not enough to make me happy. He pointed this out to me and he is right. I've been trying to be more encouraging the last few days instead of being so hurt and angry.
It is a fine line between enabling and encouraging. He needs encouragement and an ass kicking at the same time. I'm tired!! This is hard work! I've gotten his sister to agree to work with him on the resume. It will happen after Christmas and I've decided to be fine with that. I started it but had to step back -- he isn't in a place where he can help me and I'm not in a place where I can do it for him. She has tons of HR experience so she can fill in the fluff to the skeleton I created for him. This too shall pass.
Getting him on a normal shift will make a huge difference. I know how lack of sleep killed me, I'm certain it is impacting him. He is a morning person, overnight work does not agree with him. Thank you for the prayers! We will get through this, it just needs to be soon! I have lived like this for too long.... I love him and he knows it. I wish he believed in himself more. 20 years in construction down the drain is a big blow, but it is time to move on.
Who needs money anyway? I've decided we look good poor. I just don't want to slip into negative equity on our home. So we cling and pray. Maybe he will be gainfully employed soon and things will improve. I hope so!
6 comments:
i hope things will improve for you soon. you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs for you all. yes, I appreciate where you're coming from. It's VERY hard... both as sufferer and spouse. It's tiring. Draining. Exhausting. frustrating. I totally hear everything you are saying.
i just wish there was something I could do about it. I always end up feeling slightly useless sitting behind a keyboard at moments like this.
I'm glad you've got someone else to help you out during this time. That's a great place to start the journey back to a place where you're both comfortable in.
Cyalayta
Mal :)
Thanks! I have to say, the encouragement I get here through comments on my silly little blog makes such a difference!
Mal, don't feel useless! You have been so good to perspective and to encourage me to fight to make it better. I'm so relieved that Hubby is making an effort. I wish he believed in himself as much as I believe in him!
Today was a much better day. I think it is a double whammy affect -- I'm trying harder and so is he! YAY for baby steps in the right direction!!
I know the power of prayer helps -- you feel so much better when people are cheering you on. THANK YOU!! This blog started as a place for me to vent with my silly dry humor and it is always such a shock when someone takes the time to read and comment. Again, thank you one and all for taking the time!
men (good men) put so much of themselves into being the bread winner... and I'm sure he thought this business was going to be his to give to him own son someday.
I can imagine the heavy weight on his self worth, and his hope. Double barrel pain.
Encouraging word for him:
A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers
him from them all...
Psalm 34:19
It's such a tough thing... we've been there, as have most couples we know and there is no question that aggressive drug therapy is the first step... once that burden of melancholy is gone, then the healthy changes can go into place.
((hugs))
[[[hugs]]] for yu all during this Festive Season. Hope you enjoy each other :)
By the way, the pleasure is all OURS by simply being allowed to read about your world, and briefly share something little of ourselves in response. Thank YOU! :)
Cyalayta
Mal :)
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